The Power of Perspective

In his book Uncommon Leadership, Ben Newman says, "Leadership is not for everybody." He also says, "Leadership, uncommon or otherwise, is not easy. It requires honesty, accepting reality, telling the truth to others as well as yourself, and setting your ego aside. Some people can do this, and some people cannot."

In leadership, like in most things, the right mindset is everything, and it is rooted in mental toughness.

We all experience adversity and having the right mindset and mental toughness will help us power through adversity and learn from our experiences.

Ben continued to write, "Adversity can lead to introspection, and introspection can lead to action if you exercise the POWER of PERSPECTIVE.

We can put things into the proper perspective by finding the good in the bad. There will always be things that we can't control, and there will be times when frustration and anger will make you want to quit. Adversity visits everyone, and some people are not willing or are not mentally tough enough to endure those setbacks, and not everyone is willing to make the necessary changes to become successful.

Ben writes that everything we need is already inside of us, and to succeed, we have internal voices that prop us up, get us through the tough times, and feed our brains with messages that allow us to create, build, and sustain mental toughness.

When adversity comes:

1 - Identify what the problem is

2 - Create a plan for how to attack

3 - Focus your mind on positive thoughts

4 - Remembering a time when you overcame adversity can help you stay positive

5 - Finding things to be thankful for in the middle of the storm can help you stay positive

6 - Have a positive and encouraging support circle that can keep you positive

The right perspective can change anything and everything.

Do Good Things

In all situations - good and bad - do good things, be a good person, and walk-in love, and good things will happen to you.

For a few years in a row when I was in high school, I played on a really good select team. We all got along, we all competed with each other - not against each other, and we were successful. Select sports are competitive, and with that competitiveness comes selfishness, jealousy, and envy. But not with our team. We competed at the highest level, but we did so together. We were a true team, and it showed on and off the court.

One of my good friends was not as fortunate. He was on one of those select teams that were full of selfishness, jealousy, and envy. They were always fighting, and there was no trust. When he would come to me for advice or to vent, I looked down on him and his situation. I judged him and his actions. I would say things like, "Be a better leader," or, "Communicate better with your teammates." I felt like he was not doing enough to help his team like I was, and I judged him for it.

The next year, I had to join another team and it was a completely different experience. It was a nightmare. I was now living in the same situation that my friend was describing, and I was miserable. Luckily, my friend had a better ear to hear than I did, and he was there for me.

I learned a very valuable lesson in that. I learned what it means to sow and reap judgment, I learned that judgment leads to condemnation, and I learned that I was looking at myself through rose-colored glasses, but I was looking at everyone else through a magnifying glass. I was now in the same situation that I judged my friend in. I was reaping some of the judgment that I had sowed.

Often we make excuses for our own behavior and feel sorry for ourselves, but we don't show that same mercy and grace when someone does the same thing we have done.

I have done the same thing with injuries. When my teammates get hurt and have to miss practice, I catch myself judging them and their toughness. But when I have similar injuries and just can't compete, I expect them to understand my pain and accept my situation.

A Bible verse that can help with this is Matthew 7:1,2. It says, "Do not judge and criticize and condemn others, so that you may not be judged and criticized and condemned yourself. For just as you judge and criticize and condemn others, you will be judged and criticized and condemned, and in an accordance with the measure you use to deal out to others, it will be dealt out again to you."

I had to learn that it is unhealthy to judge anyone. Matthew 7:6 says, "Do not give what is holy to the dogs; nor cast your pearls before swine, lest they trample them under their feet, and turn and tear you in pieces.” 

I had to learn how to live and walk in love. Really, I had to learn how to live the golden rule - "Do to others what I would have them do to me (Matthew 7:12)." Another important verse to remember is Galatians 6:7. It says, "Don't be misled - you cannot mock the justice of God. You will always harvest what you plant."

The world can be cruel, mean, and ugly. People will lie to you and on you, judge you, and talk bad about you. There will be many opportunities for you to do the same. There will be many opportunities for you to judge people. But remember that it is the power of God that brings salvation to everyone who believes, for in the gospel the righteousness of God is revealed - a righteousness that is by faith from first to last, and the righteous live by faith (Romans 1:16-17).

In all situations - good and bad - do good things, be a good person, and walk-in love, and good things will happen to you.

This Week

1 - Replace judgemental thoughts with something else. Guard your heart because out of it flows the springs of life (Proverbs 4:23). When you have a thought of judgment, jealousy, or envy, recognize it and replace it with a thought of peace, love, or joy.

2 - Love is ready to believe the best of every person and every situation (1 Corinthians 13:7). Meditate on the components of love and make sure that your thoughts align with what God would want from you.

For a Google Doc version of this, click here: Week 44 Devotional

I Succeed Because I Have Failed

This is one of my favorite quotes by Michael Jordan because it shows that no one is perfect, and to be the best you can be, you have to go through adversity and come out on the other side.

I saw an elite guard high school guard playing in a big game this weekend. She is the type of player that fans and parents of other kids stay around and watch. She is the type of player that other coaches and other parents want to beat.

The energy in the gym was electric, and every time she got the ball, you could hear a buzz in the gym. Half of the gym was cheering for her and motivating her. The other half of the gym was yelling at her and telling her opponents to get her, stop her, and take the ball away from her.

With about 30 seconds left and her team up by one point, the other team stole the ball from her went down, and scored a go-ahead layup. Most athletes at that moment would put their head down, feel defeated, and wouldn't want to be in that situation again, but what she did next is what made her special.

Her team was down by 1, and they were denying her the ball with two people like they had been doing the entire second half. Most girls in that situation would yell for help and have someone else bring the ball down the court, but she made two cuts, split her defenders, and demanded the basketball. She then calmly dribbled the ball against pressure, made a quick move to get to her spot, shot the shot that she works on every day, and hit a game-winning basket.

I asked my daughter, "If you had that much pressure on you, in a big game, against a great defender, and she stole the ball from you with 30 seconds left, how would you respond?"

When she hesitated, I told her, "The greats aren't great because of what they do. They are great because of what they overcome. The greats understand big moments. They understand that big-time players make big-time plays in big-time games. They also understand that sometimes big-time players fail in big moments, but they step into the arena and demand the ball anyway. They aren't afraid to fail, and if they are afraid, they do it anyways. That elite guard was elite because she failed in front of everybody and then she immediately tried again."

2 Questions:

1 - When you face adversity, what do you tell yourself?

2 - What is one time that you have faced adversity and handled it well?

How WE Measure Success

- Did you have fun?

- Did you do your best?

- Did you get better?

After every game, one girl on my u9 soccer team asks me the same question, "Coach, did we win?"

I ask her and the team the three questions above. They always say yes, and I always say, "Then you won!" They then put their hands up and cheer.

This u9 soccer team hasn't lost a game yet in their rec league, so I haven't lied to them. But even if they did lose according to the score, if they can answer yes to those three questions, then they are winners.

I used to be too competitive for u9 rec soccer. Having daughters has softened me a lot, but I am still competitive. I stress and worry more than I should about wins and losses, but this is something that I am trying to work on.

One way that I have tried to improve in this area is by redefining success. That is where those three questions come from. I know that these girls won't go through life undefeated, and losing is good for everybody. You learn more about yourself and your team in defeat than you do in victory. But I have learned that if you don't have a healthy relationship with wins and losses, it can lead to an unhealthy relationship with sports and your teammates.

John Wooden has a really great quote about success and finding peace. I have heard and seen this quote hundreds of times, and I have even used it many times, but not until I became a dad and a dad coach did it really hit home in an impactful way.

"It is my belief that in one way or another we are all seeking success. And success is peace of mind, a direct result of self-satisfaction in knowing that you did your best to become the best that you are capable of becoming. I tried to convince my players that they could never be truly successful or attain peace of mind unless that had the self-satisfaction of knowing they had done their best."

 Did you have fun? Did you do your best? Did you get better? I had to train myself that those three things are what really matter. Those three questions are how I measure success. You can't always control the end score, but you can control those three things, and if you have fun, do you best, and continue to get better, you can have peace in knowing that you were successful because you made the effort to being the best of which you are capable.

Be Nice and Protect Your Mind

A high-level college football coach shared the above picture with his team. The world that we live in can be very critical, and social media doesn't help. Anybody can call out anybody whenever they want, and they can hide behind their computers and phones without fear of any kind of consequences.

The most important space to protect is the space in our minds. Our minds and our thoughts control our actions and performance. Don't let unwanted visitors come in and mess up your mind. Protect your mind and your mental health by not letting unwanted visitors and negativity in.

At the 33:13 mark of the video above, John Mayer says, 

"Celebrities spend hundreds of thousands of dollars on security and then get on the internet every morning and look at all this stuff online that makes them feel terrible, and it's like - they got in. They got in over the fence. If you are really going to live well, the mind is so important. Don't have unwanted visitors."

The people who laugh at the one mistake but don't praise the many good things that are going on are unwanted visitors.

No matter what, don't let anyone steal your happiness and joy. Plato said, "Caring about the happiness of others, we find our own."

Find ways to lead and serve others and to make others happy while controlling who you let in your own mind.

Nice Try

One off season, I was teaching my young athletes new moves to help grow their game, but when we would scrimmage and they would use the moves and mess up, I would get on to them.

I realized that I was stunting their growth by not allowing them to be creative and try the things that we were teaching. I forgot that failure was a part of the learning process.

Now, I try to say, “Nice try,” when they try something new that we have been working on, and I try to provide clear feedback on what they could do better next time.

Sometimes, I just say, “Nice try,” smile, and let them continue exploring (when we were growing up and playing unorganized sports with our friends in the streets, we didn’t have our parents or coaches critiquing every single play).

Week 42 Devotional | WONDERING

Do not be afraid or discouraged. For the Lord, your God is with you wherever you go (Joshua 1:9). 

This week, I have wasted a lot of time doing a lot of WONDERING.

- I have been WONDERING if I am a good enough coach and trainer.
- I have been WONDERING if I am a good enough dad.

- I have been WONDERING if I am doing enough or if I am good enough.

When I was an athlete, I did a lot of WONDERING too. 

- I would WONDER if I was good enough to be on the team or to start.

- I would WONDER if I could compete with my opponent.

- I would WONDER if I was ever going to hit the growth spurt that I thought I needed to play sports in college.

I say I wasted a lot of time WONDERING because WONDERING is a waste of time. Nothing good or productive comes by sitting around and WONDERING about anything. You reap what you sow, and I had to, and still have to, decide to do good work as often as I can and trust that God will fill in the gaps and take care of what I can’t take care of.

Our minds are a battlefield. There is spiritual warfare going on in our minds, and the devil uses our thoughts to attack us. One way that he does this is by putting doubts in our minds that make us WONDER if we are good enough.

This WONDERING does nothing but holds us back, makes us procrastinate, makes us indecisive, and causes confusion. Instead of spending our time WONDERING, let's expect that something good will happen to us and through us today and this week. Decide to wake up a little early, pray, and get your day started off right. Decide to control your thoughts and not let them wander off into negative pits throughout the day. Decide to tell yourself positive things throughout the day to keep you going.

Below is an impactful Bible verse to lean on when your mind is WONDERING:

Clothe yourselves with humility toward one another, because “God opposes the proud but shows favor to the humble.” Humble yourselves, therefore, under God’s mighty hand, that he may lift you up in due time. Cast all your anxiety on him because he cares for you. Be alert and of sober mind. Your enemy the devil prowls around like a roaring lion looking for someone to devour. Resist him, standing firm in the faith, because you know that the family of believers throughout the world is undergoing the same kind of sufferings. And the God of all grace, who called you to his eternal glory in Christ, after you have suffered a little while, will himself restore you and make you strong, firm, and steadfast. To him be the power forever and ever. Amen (Hebrews 5:5-11).

What I love best about these verses is that they make clear that we are not alone in our WONDERING. Everyone's mind WONDERS. God knows this and he is with us all.

THIS WEEK

1 - When you find your mind WONDERING, what is one thing that you can do to get it back on track? I write down what I am supposed to focus on and doing, and I cross it out when I have completed my task.

2 - When your mind WONDERS and it leads to anxiety, stress, and confusion, what is one thing that you can do to get it back on track? Again, I write. I write down what I am supposed to be doing and I write down what is keeping me from doing it. Facing reality usually helps me realize that my fear is bigger than my reality.

Prayer
Our Father; I know that the enemy the devil prowls around like a roaring lion looking for someone to devour. But I know that you have already conquered the enemy. Please give me focus, guidance, and joy. Please help me focus on what I need to focus on, please give me guidance while I do what I need to do, and please help me to have joy as I am doing it.

For a Google doc version, click here: Week 42 Devo | Wondering

Eye Contact

We have a team rule: when the coach is talking, no one else is talking, no one is bouncing the ball, all eyes are on the coach, and everybody stands in front of coach, not behind coach.

Eye contact is important. It is the first step to listening and learning, and it communicates to your coaches and your teammates that you care about what they have to say or teach.

When your coach is talking, listen and show you are listening by giving proper eye contact.

Love or Pain

The best are the best for a reason. In his podcast, Gilbert Arenas said that there are two avenues to success: love or pain.

You either love something so much that you are willing to do whatever it takes to be successful, or you feel a pain from defeat so deep that you will do whatever it takes to never experience it again.

In the same podcast, Matt Barnes was asked what made the Golden State Warriors different than the other teams that he had been on. Matt said that everyone kept their egos at the door and the goal was to win. Basketball and winning was the most important thing. But he also said the chemistry and environment and energy was different. Everybody enjoyed being there. There was love in the room and love circulating throughout the culture of the team.

Matt also said that the work ethic from everybody was surprising. Everyone would be shooting before and after practice.

On some teams, everybody shows up right on time and they leave as soon as practice is over. There are some teams where most people come early and stay late like with the Warriors.

I would encourage every coach to create an atmosphere of love. Create a culture where people want to be in the gym, want to be around each other, and want to compete with and against each other.

I would encourage every player to be a light of love. Love to play, love to practice, love being around your teammates. Love to work, love to get better, and love to compete.

If you don’t love what you are doing enough to do the work it takes to be your best, you will experience the pain of defeat.

Am I Working Hard Enough

On The No Chill podcast with Gilbert Arenas, Chris Paul said that when he first arrived to play with the Houston Rockets, one of the coaches told him, "One of the things that you are going to have to work on is being able to deal with somebody that doesn't care as much as you care."

Chris Paul says that he loves the game and studies the game, so it is hard for him to play with people who don't care about winning and who won't put in the work that it takes to be a winner.

Gilbert Arenas said, "Everybody wants to be a winner, but they don't want to deal with what it takes to be a winner. Everybody talks about Mamba Mentality, but they don't like it when it's in your face. Mamba Mentality is ruthless."

If you want to have Mamba Mentality, you have to come early, stay late, watch film, and compete.

Gilbert also said that a lot of people don't like playing with winners because winners hold you accountable. They will tell you what they like and what they don't like, and if you are not mentally ready to be held accountable, of course you won't want that.

Chris Paul said that he realized that some people are wired differently. He said (paraphrasing), 

"I'm wired differently. I expect to win. I fell in love with the hard work. When people ask what I do differently, I say nothing - I just fell in love with the repetition and the boringness of it. To go in the gym and shoot 1,000 shots - people's arm will fall off shooting that many shots. Kobe just didn't it on the regular, so it became normal."

If you want to have Mamba Mentality and if you want to be a winner, you have to understand what that really means. It means getting in the gym every day. It means shooting until your arms fall off. It means doing the same, boring drills over and over again until it is automatic.

It means knowing that most people will say that they want to be a winner, but most people aren't willing to do the work. It means finding like-minded, hard-working, and dedicated people like you who will push you.

It means doing whatever it takes.

Be Encouraged

Many of my all-time, favorite athletes to coach weren't my best athletes. My favorite athletes are the athletes that had fun, brought positive energy and enthusiasm, and who loved to play. They also wanted to learn, they wanted to be coached hard, and they were always looking at ways to get better.

My favorite athletes were encouragers and energizers. They make everyone feel better.

My favorite athletes were positive, not negative. They weren't just positive in the good times. They brought positive energy, words, and enthusiasm to the gym when times got tough.

Anybody can be positive. Just think positive thoughts.

Anybody can be encouraging. Just think encouraging thoughts.

It isn't always that easy. We all fall into negative funks where we can't find the rainbow through the rain and clouds. But remember that we are what we think.

Think about the type of person you want to become. Think about the type of life you want to live. Think about the type of athlete and coach you want to be. Think about what the type of person, coach, and athlete that you want to be thinks about, talks about, and does.

Become the person that you want to be by controlling your thoughts, your energy, and your mind.

Growing Through Practice

Most practices are similar.

You start out with some kind of warm-up, then you get into individual skill work. Next comes team skill work and you eventually get into some kind of scrimmaging/competing.

Most athletes just get through the skill work so that they can get to the playing part of practice. The best know how important the warm-up and skill work are. The best stayed focused and locked-in on the skill work, they learn, and they apply the skill work in live action.

If you want to be the best you can be, be focused, listen, learn, and apply from the start of practice through the end of practice.

Every word your coach says and every drill you do is your opportunity to get better. Every mistake and success is a chance to get better. Don’t waste those opportunities by slopping through drill and skill work.

Don’t just go through practice. Grow through practice. Every day, get a little better.

Week 40 | ANXIETY

A popular Michael Jordan quote is, "Any fear is an illusion. You think something is standing in your way, but nothing is really there. What is there is an opportunity to do your best and gain some success."

He has also been quoted saying, "Never say never, because limits, like fears, are often just an illusion."

Those quotes sound great, and they sometimes help me feel more confident, but fear and ANXIETY is a real reality for many of us coaches and athletes. Fear and ANXIETY are both weapons of Satan to keep us from experiencing the full life that God has planned for us. Our emotions can overwhelm us and keep us paralyzed, but God said, "When you pass through the waters, I will be with you, and through the rivers, they will not overwhelm you (Isaiah 43:2)."

Don't quit. Don't give in. Inch, by inch, keep moving forward. ANXIETY can be tough to overcome. It can keep you from working your hardest and doing your best. But don't lose heart and grow weary (Galatians 6:9). Find comfort and peace through reading the Bible, by praying, and by constantly renewing your mind (Romans 12:2) and taking captive every thought you have and making it obedient to Jesus (2nd Corinthians 10:4-5).

Remember that the Spirit God gave us does not make us timid, but gives us power, love and self-discipline (2nd Timothy 1:7). God will give you everything that you need, exactly when you need it. His Word will light your path. God has specific plans for you to prosper and to have hope and a future (Jeremiah 29:11). The devil comes only in order to steal and kill and destroy. Jesus came so that we may have and enjoy life, and have it in abundance, to the full, until it overflows (John 10:10).

Replace your ANXIETY and fears with hope. Have hope that God already knows what is going to happen, how it is going to happen, and when it is going to happen. It will all work itself out. Just make sure that whatever you do, work at it with all your heart, as working for the Lord, not for human masters (Colossians 3:23).

This Week

1 - Have a plan for working through your ANXIETY and fears. Write down what is making you anxious. Then write down why it is making you anxious. Finally write down 1-3 next steps that you can do or need to do. Having a concrete plan and action items can help you focus on what you can control instead of worrying about what you can't control.

Pray: God, I need You. With you, I can do all things. Please help me see what I need to see and focus on what I need to focus on. I know that You are always with me and watching over me. I know that the thief will try to attack my mind and that they thief comes to steal, kill and destroy. I also know that you sent Jesus so that I may enjoy life! Please continue to lead me, guide me, and light my path.