A Coach's Diary

Every coach searches for ways to build that special chemistry that all great teams have. In The Culture Playbook , Daniel Coyle calls the warm sense of cohesion, the shared willingness to speak up, and the team thinking and feeling as one entity,  psychological safety - being able to be yourself without fear of negative consequences of self-image, status, or career. Team chemistry, or psychological safety, is built through the exchange of belonging cues - small, meaningful, and impactful, behaviors that say: "You belong here, you are valued here, you are safe here, we share a future together, we care about you, you have a voice, and you matter." Our brains are wired to search for both danger and safety. When we join a group, we scan for potential dangers. This keeps us from locking in and performing at our best. If we have to waste our time and energy trying to belong, we won't have enough left to do our job at a high level. Amy Edmondson of Harvard says, "When peopl...

As Daniel Coyle wrote in his book, The Culture Playbook , mentoring is incredibly powerful.  A mentor is someone who helps you grow, make better decisions, and see the game and the world through a different lens.  A mentor can encourage you and help you grow professionally and personally.  Having a good mentor can change your career and change your life. They can show you what to do and show you what not to do. Former U.S. Women's National Soccer Team coach Jill Ellis would give each new, young member of the team a task: "Go sit next to an older player and listen to their scars." She said, "Every successful player is successful because they've failed over and over again. Having younger players learn about that early on is so impactful." Coyle calls this Flash Mentoring.  Flash Mentoring  is when a younger athlete or coach approaches a veteran with low-stakes questions like: - What are 1-3 things that you have done to get faster? - What do you do before pract...

According to a National Alliance for Youth Sports study, about 70% of kids stop playing sports by age 13. Just over 7% of athletes play sports in college, and only 1.8% of men and women play Division 1 sports. That means only 1 out of 13 high school athletes will play in college, and only 1 out of every 57 will play at the Division 1 level. Narrow is the gate that leads to success, and even more narrow is the gate to continued success. My keys to success are work hard and have fun. Hopefully, your athletic journey is long and enjoyable. The harder you work and the more fun you have, the longer and more successful your career will be. We are the results of our decisions. Good decisions lead to good results, and bad decisions lead to bad results. Wisdom is doing today what your future self will thank you for, so create the life and career you want with each decision you make. While life is a series of choices and decisions, no decision is more important than the one Jesus talks about in ...

Being a leader is hard. You have to hold yourself accountable, and you have to hold the people around you accountable. To effectively hold others accountable, you have to be willing to do everything you are asking, or demanding, them to do. The leader has to establish what we are going to do and how we are going to do it. Then, they have to make sure that we are all living up to the expectations that they set while also making sure that others do the same. This can lead to conflict and confrontation, and that isn't always easy. Kobe Bryant has a good quote about leadership and conflict : Leadership is lonely. I’m not going to be afraid of confrontation to get us where we need to go. There's a big misconception where people think that winning and success comes from everybody putting their arms around each other and singing kumbaya and patting them on the back when they mess up, and that’s just not reality. If you are going to be a leader, you’re not going to please everybody. Yo...

I am big on teaching my athletes how to advocate for themselves. At every parent meeting, I tell our families that it is important for athletes to learn how to use their voice and ask questions like, "How can I earn more playing time?" and, "What do I need to do to get better?" Asking questions is good for you and good for your career. The research shows that asking more questions builds emotional intelligence, leading to better soft skills - key in leadership at work and interpersonal relationship building (Forbes). And asking questions is also Biblical. In Matthew chapter 7, while giving his famous Sermon on the Mount speech to his disciples, Jesus said: 7 “Ask and it will be given to you; seek and you will find; knock and the door will be opened to you. 8 For everyone who asks receives; the one who seeks finds; and to the one who knocks, the door will be opened. 9 “Which of you, if your son asks for bread, will give him a stone? 10...

What do I do when my athletes don't want to play for me? This is a common question that might be becoming even more common in today's society of transfer portals. We want our athletes to enjoy playing for us, but that is hard to do when part of your role is making them feel comfortable being uncomfortable. Former pro and college football coach, Leeman Bennett, once said, “A coach is someone who makes you do what you don't want to do, so you can be who you've always wanted to be.” Pushing your athletes, holding them accountable, and keeping them happy, hopeful, and engaged can be a tricky balance to find. But how do we do it effectively? I recently attended a Human Resource training for educators that presented tools on how to retain teachers. They gave us 4 effective tips that coaches can also use to retain athletes: 1 - Understand What They Want We want to win, and we want our athletes to become the best they can be. We hope that these are their main goals as well,...

High major football coach PJ Fleck once said, “On bad teams, nobody leads. On good teams, the coaches lead. On elite teams, players have to lead.” Players have to be able to hold each other accountable to the standard that they set. But one thing we talk to our athletes about is the importance of holding yourself accountable first. The best leaders that I know lead by words AND example. Your habits and behaviors are more important than your words and plans. Your words and plans tell us what you want to do, and your habits and behaviors tell us what you are going to do. You are what you do - not what you want to do, and not what you say you do. But we all know those teammates who try to lead but who don't follow their own leadership. They try to tell others what to do, but they don't do it themselves. Don't be an athlete who talks the talk but doesn't walk the walk. Don't be the athlete who demands more from their teammates than they demand from themselves. Talk the ...

Let's say that you are a coach, a teacher, a principal, or in a leadership role and you are starting a new season, a new year, or starting a new leadership position; what are some of the first things, from a cultural standpoint, that you would think about or do to set the tone for success? Daniel Coyle is the New York Times bestselling author of the Culture Code. He has worked with and learned from some of the best leaders of the best cultures in the world. He was asked this question, and the first thing he said was he would think about the relationship between connections and safety. He says connection and safety are the foundations of a great culture. "WITHOUT PSYCHOLOGICAL SAFETY, YOU CAN BE AS SMART AS YOU WANT TO BE, BUT YOU WILL NOT BE ABLE TO ADD UP TO MORE THAN THE SUM OF YOUR PARTS BECAUSE YOU ARE NOT GIVING PEOPLE A VOICE."  - DANIEL COYLE When teams win championships, they often talk about how close they are and how strong their relationships are. When the LA R...

Kobe was asked , "What have you learned about yourself through these 20 years of being in the NBA?" He said : What I've learned is to always keep going - ALWAYS. There have been times, particularly early in my career, where you just feel like this is the end. But what I've come to find out is that no matter what happens, the storm eventually ends, and when the storm does end, you want to make sure that you are ready. So I've really learned to put one foot in front of the other - good, bad, or indifferent - because eventually, that storm passes. Adversity is a part of everyone's journey. Injuries happen. You might lose a big game or your starting spot. You might have a rough practice, a game, a tournament, or an entire season where nothing seems to go your way. Know that storms will come, and prepare yourself for them. Work hard, be a great teammate, and live, work, and play with energy and enthusiasm. When the storms come, fight through them and just keep goin...

Every year, somebody gets cut from a team, gets passed in the draft, and gets dismissed or mistreated in the locker room. Many athletes are not able to let those slights go, and many of them hold on to those grudges intentionally to use them as motivation.  Tom Brady probably still gets emotional  when thinking about getting passed over for six other quarterbacks, and 192 other players. After winning the super bowl after leaving the New England Patriots for the Tamba Bay Buccaneers, he released a commercial including headlines, voice-overs, and tweets from his many skeptics and unbelievers, including athletes, sportswriters, and fans, criticizing him and doubting his ability to play at a high level at his age. Tom Brady has used those slights, grudges, and criticism to help him win a record 7 Super Bowls. The ultimate grudge-holder in sports might be Michael Jordan. If you looked at Jordan wrong, he might hold a grudge against you. He made up grudges to motivate himself, and h...

I recently asked an educational leader, "How do you motivate unmotivated students?" He said, "Read The Pedagogy of Confidence" by Dr. Yvette Jackson. I have only read the introduction of this book, but I now feel a light glowing in my head. Actually, that light is a glow. Dr. Jackson writes that confidence that comes from competence - having the ability, knowledge, or skill to do something successfully - actually creates a glow in your brain. When you are good at something, you gain more confidence. When that happens, and you start to believe in yourself more, you start to burn glucose that results in our brain "glowing" from this energy. This response makes us feel stronger and surer about ourselves and our abilities. This leads to more motivation - even from our athletes who we label as unmotivated. Success -> Feeling Competent -> Build Confidence -> Gain Motivation We live in a society that focuses on and celebrates winning at all costs. We pri...

NBA star Damian Lillard once said, “If you want to look good in front of thousands, you have to outwork thousands in front of nobody.” To be great at anything, you have to put in the work, and most of the time that work is done in front of nobody. No cell phones, no social media, and no audience; just you and the work. And then when you have success, celebrate your success humbly, recognize that your hard work pays off, give praise to God, and keep working. Fall in love with the process of working hard and getting better, a nd let your success do the talking for you rather than going around and telling everybody how great you are. In Jesus’s famous Sermon on the Mount, he said: “Beware of practicing your righteousness before other people in order to be seen by them, for then you will have no reward from your Father who is in heaven (Matthew 6:1) .” Jesus then said: “Thus, when you give to the needy, sound no trumpet before you, as the hypocrites do in the synagogues and in the streets,...