A Coach's Diary

At the end of a conference basketball game, Michigan head coach Juwan Howard and Wisconsin head coach Greg Gard walked towards each other, seemingly to give a post-game handshake. When Coach Howard walked close to Coach Gard in the handshake line, Coach Howard said something and continued to walk by. Coach Gard then grabbed Coach Howard, and he stood in his way, not allowing him to keep walking. They grabbed each other, exchanged words, and Coach Howard put his finger in Coach Gard’s face. The other coaches, players, and police tried to get in between the two coaches, but the situation continued to escalate until Coach Howard slapped one of Wisconsin’s assistant coaches. Sports are intense, and at that level, millions of dollars are on the line. It is easy to understand how two competitors can get so intense. We teach our athletes to play through the final buzzer, so we have to coach them through the final buzzer. Sometimes that coaching leads to disagreements and frustration, but as l...

People may forget what you said and they may forget what you did, but people won't forget how you made them feel. Derek Jeter is one of the best baseball players ever. He was a hall of fame captain and shortstop for the Yankees for 20 years and won 5 World Series. He was asked on a podcast , "Which coach had the most influence and impact on you and your game?" Without hesitation, Jeter answered, "Joe Torre." He said that Coach Torre was the best communicator he has ever known. Jeter also said that Coach Torre didn't treat everyone the same, but he treated everyone fairly. Everyone has a different personality, and we have to meet people where they are and give them what they need if we want to help them become successful. Jeter also said that Coach Torre had a calming influence that a young player needs. Young players are going to mess up, and when they do, the first thing that they look at is their coach. They want to see what their coach is doing and how he...

We have a saying that everybody is great and happy when the shots are falling or when the bats are hitting, but who can we count on when the storm comes and we have to navigate through and around adversity? When the storm comes in a game and the coach has to call a timeout, it's interesting to see how the huddle, the players, and the coaches react and respond in the heat of the moment. Wins and losses aren't determined by our mistakes; they are determined by how we respond to mistakes. An important word and concept to learn and live by is the concept of de-escalation. Deescalation is calming someone (or yourself) down so that they can respond appropriately instead of reacting emotionally. Something happened - it could have been a made or missed shot, a turnover, an injury, or anything else, and responding with empathy, even in the moment, will help respond in a way that shows empathy in order to get to the heart of the matter. Dr. Bruce Perry  is a researcher, clinician, and te...

We all have experiences where we get so triggered, so mad, that we blow up on everyone around us. Coaching is such an intense profession, and as much as we talk about relationships and growing people, it is highly driven by wins and losses. Coaching and communicating can lead to miscommunication and unintended conflict. We have this thing in our brains called the amygdala - our brain's guard dog - that stays alert and keeps us safe.  When that kid second-guesses us in the middle of a big timeout, or that athlete talks back in the middle of an important and intense defensive drill, or when that angry parent starts to storm across the court, coming to talk to you about what his daughter didn't play in the final few minutes of a big game, that triggers what many of us call  Fight, Flight or Freeze  mode. That feeling of the hairs rising on the back of your neck, or your body getting hot, or the sudden need to ball up your fist (or the sudden need to run to the locker ...