A Coach's Diary

Why do you coach? How do you define success? Dan Hurley is one of the best college basketball coaches in the country, having led UConn to 2 straight national championships. But he is also know for a level of intensity that has cost his team games. In an early season tournament, Coach Hurley received a tech in a tie game that was in overtime, and his team lost because of it. After the game, legendary women's coach Geno Auriemma said to him, "If the only outcome that makes you a successful coach [...] is whether or not you hang up the national championship banner, then you should get out immediately." The message didn't resonate at first, so Coach Hurley said Geno followed him around practice and barked statements at him like: - The joy of your relationships with your players. - The joy of getting the most out of your team. Geno then said, "If you're only it it for the championship pursuit and none of that other stuff means anything to you anymore and it's ...

Coaching and leadership can be a lonely, draining journey. People often ask much more of you than they are willing to give, and you rarely feel appreciated for going above and beyond for all the people in your life. It can feel like you are giving and giving and giving while everyone around you just takes and takes and takes. BUT REMEMBER WHY YOU DO IT. Remember the coaches you had when you were growing up and the impact that they had on your life. Remember that these kids and their families NEED you. Your parents need someone they can trust to help raise these kids and teach them both to love the game and life lessons through sports. Remember that these kids you coach will have memories of their time with you - good and/or bad. Remember that the coaches you are leading and mentoring both look up to you and are watching you. You are training the next generation of coaches and leaders. Whenever I feel drained, I remember that because I am called to coach and lead, I am also called to se...

Do you need a reason to keep going and not quit? Learn from one of the greatest, Tom Brady. Tom started his football career late and slowly, but he leveraged a growth mindset and a competitive spirit to become one of the best athletes of all time. We now know Tom Brady as one of the best quarterbacks ever to play, but he got a late start in football, he wasn’t very good when he started, and he had to overcome more adversity than most would go through on his journey to becoming a Hall of Fame, Super Bowl winning QB. In an interview titled The Leadership Playbook, Brady says he didn’t start playing football until he was a freshman in high school and was the backup QB who never played on a team that didn’t win any games. He said he became the starting JV QB the next year because the starting quarterback chose to quit football to play basketball. Brady grew into his body as a junior and became the starting varsity quarterback while working with a mentor who helped him improve his mechanics...

I ran across the idea of Leading Like a Farmer from a post on X (Twitter). Why lead like a farmer? In the book, The Leader Who Had No Title, Robin Sharma writes: "A leader should be like a farmer because he has patience and trusts the process. He just has the faith and deep understanding that through his daily efforts, the harvest will come. And then one day, almost out of nowhere, it does." The post, titled Think Like A Farmer, listed 7 things a farmer does to help their crops grow: 1 - Don't shout at the crops. 2 - Don't blame the crops for not growing fast enough. 3 - Don't uproot crops before they've had the chance to grow. 4 - Choose the best soil and environment for the crops. 5 - Irrigate and fertilize your crops. 6 - Remove the weeds.   7 - Remember you will have good seasons and bad seasons - you can't control the weather - only best prepare for it. After reading this, I thought about the kids I coach, my own kids, the teams I lead, and how I lead...

As Daniel Coyle wrote in his book, The Culture Playbook , mentoring is incredibly powerful.  A mentor is someone who helps you grow, make better decisions, and see the game and the world through a different lens.  A mentor can encourage you and help you grow professionally and personally.  Having a good mentor can change your career and change your life. They can show you what to do and show you what not to do. Former U.S. Women's National Soccer Team coach Jill Ellis would give each new, young member of the team a task: "Go sit next to an older player and listen to their scars." She said, "Every successful player is successful because they've failed over and over again. Having younger players learn about that early on is so impactful." Coyle calls this Flash Mentoring.  Flash Mentoring  is when a younger athlete or coach approaches a veteran with low-stakes questions like: - What are 1-3 things that you have done to get faster? - What do you do before pract...

Being a leader is hard. You have to hold yourself accountable, and you have to hold the people around you accountable. To effectively hold others accountable, you have to be willing to do everything you are asking, or demanding, them to do. The leader has to establish what we are going to do and how we are going to do it. Then, they have to make sure that we are all living up to the expectations that they set while also making sure that others do the same. This can lead to conflict and confrontation, and that isn't always easy. Kobe Bryant has a good quote about leadership and conflict : Leadership is lonely. I’m not going to be afraid of confrontation to get us where we need to go. There's a big misconception where people think that winning and success comes from everybody putting their arms around each other and singing kumbaya and patting them on the back when they mess up, and that’s just not reality. If you are going to be a leader, you’re not going to please everybody. Yo...

Let's say that you are a coach, a teacher, a principal, or in a leadership role and you are starting a new season, a new year, or starting a new leadership position; what are some of the first things, from a cultural standpoint, that you would think about or do to set the tone for success? Daniel Coyle is the New York Times bestselling author of the Culture Code. He has worked with and learned from some of the best leaders of the best cultures in the world. He was asked this question, and the first thing he said was he would think about the relationship between connections and safety. He says connection and safety are the foundations of a great culture. "WITHOUT PSYCHOLOGICAL SAFETY, YOU CAN BE AS SMART AS YOU WANT TO BE, BUT YOU WILL NOT BE ABLE TO ADD UP TO MORE THAN THE SUM OF YOUR PARTS BECAUSE YOU ARE NOT GIVING PEOPLE A VOICE."  - DANIEL COYLE When teams win championships, they often talk about how close they are and how strong their relationships are. When the LA R...

I just came to a terrifying realization. I am the decisive element for my team. My approach to EVERYTHING creates the climate. My daily mood and interactions make the weather. As a coach, I have the power to make or break my athletes. As a coach, I have the power to make an athlete’s life miserable or full of joy. As a coach, I can be a tool of torture and pain or a source of inspiration and encouragement. I can hurt or help, humiliate or humor, harm or heal. In everything, every day, it is my response that decides whether a conflict or crisis will escalate out of control or de-escalate. And in everything I do, every day, I impact how my athletes believe in themselves or doubt themselves. I impact whether they live and play with peace and confidence or live and play with anxiety and fear. ... You can substitute teacher for coach , students  for athletes, and classroom for team. But you can't substitute any thing for the impact that a leader, a coach, or a teacher has on their athle...

When Michael Jordan came into the NBA, the Bulls were not a very good team or organization. They didn't know how to win, and they did not have a winning attitude, a winning work ethic, or winning habits. It took a lot of hard work and determination for them to climb to the top of the NBA mountain. They needed leadership, and Michael Jordan had to grow into his role as a leader. IF YOU WANT TO WIN, YOU HAVE TO PAY THE PRICE--IT'S NOT THAT COMPLICATED Before Jordan was comfortable being a vocal leader, he first had to prove himself and earn the respect of his older teammates. Jordan said that he led by example when he was younger, but he found his voice when he became one of the older and more experienced players on the team. Jordan said,  "I guess you could say I became a tyrant, or at least that's how some people chose to interpret those actions. That is not how I viewed it. I knew what it took to come from where we were in 1984. I had put in the time, and I had earned...