A Coach's Diary

“Kids must buy into YOU and what you do in order to be successful.” - Former NBA Coach Hubie Brown This is especially true in today’s world where kids seem to ask, “Why?” after every instruction. When I was a kid, asking why was a health hazard, but it is so common today that if you don’t have legit answers, you risk not being effective enough to engage your student-athletes to drive performance. So how do you get them to buy into you and what you do? Spend some time getting real with them and let them know who you are and why they should buy what you are selling. A simple way to do that is get in a Circle, ask 1-3 get-to-know you questions, and start the relationship building process. The Circle is an effective relationship building tool because everyone is equal and included in the Circle, and everyone has the opportunity to listen and share in the Circle. Try asking these three ‘favorite’ questions to get the party started: 1 - What’s your favorite thing to eat (or what is your favo...

Managing relationships on teams is just as important - if not more important - than managing Xs and Os. Two important questions that coaches and teams who are looking to increase their team's self-awareness and connectedness are:  How well are we working together? How might we get better at it? Treatment Agreements are a very important part of what I do as a coach because every athlete wants to receive feedback, praise, and criticism differently. Treatment Agreements systematically help us answer those two questions proactively and reactively. Some athletes want to be praised publicly and criticized privately, and some need the complete opposite. For some athletes, how they receive praise and feedback truly doesn't matter, but for many, how we communicate with them could be the difference between our athletes giving us their best effort or shutting down on the team.  Our athletes also respond differently to how coaches praise and criticize them versus how their teammates prai...

I just came to a terrifying realization. I am the decisive element for my team. My approach to EVERYTHING creates the climate. My daily mood and interactions make the weather. As a coach, I have the power to make or break my athletes. As a coach, I have the power to make an athlete’s life miserable or full of joy. As a coach, I can be a tool of torture and pain or a source of inspiration and encouragement. I can hurt or help, humiliate or humor, harm or heal. In everything, every day, it is my response that decides whether a conflict or crisis will escalate out of control or de-escalate. And in everything I do, every day, I impact how my athletes believe in themselves or doubt themselves. I impact whether they live and play with peace and confidence or live and play with anxiety and fear. ... You can substitute teacher for coach , students  for athletes, and classroom for team. But you can't substitute any thing for the impact that a leader, a coach, or a teacher has on their athle...

People may forget what you said and they may forget what you did, but people won't forget how you made them feel. Derek Jeter is one of the best baseball players ever. He was a hall of fame captain and shortstop for the Yankees for 20 years and won 5 World Series. He was asked on a podcast , "Which coach had the most influence and impact on you and your game?" Without hesitation, Jeter answered, "Joe Torre." He said that Coach Torre was the best communicator he has ever known. Jeter also said that Coach Torre didn't treat everyone the same, but he treated everyone fairly. Everyone has a different personality, and we have to meet people where they are and give them what they need if we want to help them become successful. Jeter also said that Coach Torre had a calming influence that a young player needs. Young players are going to mess up, and when they do, the first thing that they look at is their coach. They want to see what their coach is doing and how he...

What do you do when your students or athletes don’t act or respond how you want them to? What do you do when they aren’t living up to your expectations? What do you do when you need to discipline them or redirect them? In our school district, we are learning about Restorative Practices and the power of community building and relationship restoring circles. Restorative practices are a process designed to build and sustain meaningful relationships, and to restore the relationship when it is harmed or damaged. Frank Martin is an old-school basketball coach, meaning he is tough and disciplined. But even a no-nonsense, old-school coach like Coach Martin can see the importance of being what our kids need, and the importance of teaching, teaching, teaching. When I was a kid, when you did something wrong, the coach would yell at you and make you run. They would yell at you and run you until you learned your lesson, or until he lost his voice.  You can’t get away with that today. Today’s ki...

On the first day of practice, every season, a middle school and high school coach that I know asks his athletes to Circle-Up. In the circle, the coach asks every athlete to say their name, who their favorite basketball player is, and why. The coach encourages the players by telling them to value, accept and appreciate everybody's choice, whether they agree with it or not, without judgment. He tells his team, "Our team is a safe space and a judge-free zone. We have to learn how to express ourselves, talk to each other, and how to listen without judgment. We want our teammates to feel safe and free to tell each other how we feel." At the end of the first practice, the coach asks every athlete to say one thing that they are excited about for the season and one thing that they want to get better at.  On day one, the coach has learned something about everyone on the team, and the teammates start to learn something about each other. One question a lot of coaches ask is, "H...