A Coach's Diary

What do I do when my athletes don't want to play for me? This is a common question that might be becoming even more common in today's society of transfer portals. We want our athletes to enjoy playing for us, but that is hard to do when part of your role is making them feel comfortable being uncomfortable. Former pro and college football coach, Leeman Bennett, once said, “A coach is someone who makes you do what you don't want to do, so you can be who you've always wanted to be.” Pushing your athletes, holding them accountable, and keeping them happy, hopeful, and engaged can be a tricky balance to find. But how do we do it effectively? I recently attended a Human Resource training for educators that presented tools on how to retain teachers. They gave us 4 effective tips that coaches can also use to retain athletes: 1 - Understand What They Want We want to win, and we want our athletes to become the best they can be. We hope that these are their main goals as well,...

I just came to a terrifying realization. I am the decisive element for my team. My approach to EVERYTHING creates the climate. My daily mood and interactions make the weather. As a coach, I have the power to make or break my athletes. As a coach, I have the power to make an athlete’s life miserable or full of joy. As a coach, I can be a tool of torture and pain or a source of inspiration and encouragement. I can hurt or help, humiliate or humor, harm or heal. In everything, every day, it is my response that decides whether a conflict or crisis will escalate out of control or de-escalate. And in everything I do, every day, I impact how my athletes believe in themselves or doubt themselves. I impact whether they live and play with peace and confidence or live and play with anxiety and fear. ... You can substitute teacher for coach , students  for athletes, and classroom for team. But you can't substitute any thing for the impact that a leader, a coach, or a teacher has on their athle...

Motivational speaker  Jim Rohn  once said that we are the average of the five people we spend the most time with. Research shows that our relationships are the greatest indicator of success, well-being, and happiness. The strengths of our relationship are a greater success indicator than wealth and fame.  People who are deeply connected to someone or to a group or community but have unhealthy habits (like smoking and alcohol) consistently outlive people who have extremely healthy habits but are not relationally connected to  any group. T he quality of your life is always going to be a direct reflection of the quality of your relationships. We are all born with the need for relationships and strong social connections. Great relationships help us feel happier, more hopeful, and healthier. Who are you connected to? I heard a preacher once say that the life and relationships of Jesus are a great example of the relationships we should seek. Everywhere Jesus went, large cr...

Safer and more effective learning environments The qualities that make us most human - connection, community, positivity, belonging, and a sense of meaning The r eal, genuine, gratitude, appreciation, thanks, and love I get from building relationships with students fills my bucket Last night, an educator told me, 'Relationships are reciprocal." He then asked, "What do we as adults get out of building relationships with kids?" My life is built around teaching, coaching, leading and serving kids. A superintendent once told me, "In education, we are in the people development business." Our job is to teach, educate and develop people. Dr. Pedro A. Noguera, the Distinguished Professor of Education at the Graduate School of Education and Information Studies and Faculty Director for the Center for the Transformation of Schools at UCLA asked , "What does it take to educate the students that you serve?" When I was asked what we get out of building relation...

The best coaches coach players, not Xs and Os. Don't be so focused on the plays that you ignore the quality of relationships with your athletes. The quality of the relationships that we have with our athletes is as important as anything we can do. They are more important than (almost) any play you can draw up or drill that you can teach. "Culture eats strategy for lunch." Positive relationships help even our best athletes reach their full potential under less stress because we, as humans, are hardwired for relationships and to connect with others. Some neuroscientists  even argue that our need to connect with others is even more basic than food and shelter and is the primary motivation of one’s behavior. At the core of positive relationships is trust. Caring is the way that we generate the trust that builds relationships (CRT and the Brain) . When we intentionally build trust and relationships,  our athletes will be more willing to put themselves ou...

We all have experiences where we get so triggered, so mad, that we blow up on everyone around us. Coaching is such an intense profession, and as much as we talk about relationships and growing people, it is highly driven by wins and losses. Coaching and communicating can lead to miscommunication and unintended conflict. We have this thing in our brains called the amygdala - our brain's guard dog - that stays alert and keeps us safe.  When that kid second-guesses us in the middle of a big timeout, or that athlete talks back in the middle of an important and intense defensive drill, or when that angry parent starts to storm across the court, coming to talk to you about what his daughter didn't play in the final few minutes of a big game, that triggers what many of us call  Fight, Flight or Freeze  mode. That feeling of the hairs rising on the back of your neck, or your body getting hot, or the sudden need to ball up your fist (or the sudden need to run to the locker ...

A big part of coaching is our ability to connect with our athletes and their families. A quote that will stick with me is, "He made me feel seen, heard, and cared for as a learner." As coaches, we can easily change that quote to say, " My coach made me feel seen, heard, and cared for as an athlete, and as a person ." We are wired for connection. We all have different reasons for why we started playing and why we have stayed around the game, but at the foundation of sports is the human need to connect. Our brain's two main goals are to stay safe and be happy. We internally protect our self-worth, our self-determination, our well-being, and our connection to the community. To get our athletes to perform at their best for themselves and for the team, we need our athletes to feel like they are valued members of the team, and we do that by minimizing threats and maximizing well-being. Sometimes, one of the biggest threats to our athletes can be ourselves. We have all...

There was a high school coach in Texas, who was also the head of the middle school program (that is how it works in Texas). This coach was known for the relationships that he builds with the kids that he coaches, and the impact that he has on their lives. A couple of ways that he does that is by not turning any athlete away and by finding a specific spot and role for every athlete on the team. They said that he gives every athlete a position and role, he encourages and inspires them, and he teaches them how to master their role. Being intentional like this helps make every athlete feel valued and important. They give it their all because they are completely bought in. They perform their job at a high level because they have been taught how and they know what is expected of them. Now, that role might be the 3rd person from the right on the 3rd string kick-off team, but imagine how disciplined a team is if the buy-in, instruction, expectations, and relationsh...

When we create partnerships with our athletes and their families and establish authentic connections, we build mutual trust and respect. We can then leverage that trust bond to help our athletes rise to higher expectations. We can also give feedback and constructive criticism in ways that our athletes are able to take it in and act on it. Creating partnerships also allows us to hold them to higher standards and challenge them more. Simply put, partnerships with our athletes help us coach them better and tougher so that we can get the most out of them because they know we care and have their best interests at heart. Get to know your athletes, what their interests are, what motivates them, what triggers them, how they best learn, and what their goals are. via: Culturally Responsive Teaching and The Brain

For Players When you are bored, what do you do?  Do you do something that gets you closer to your goals, or do you play with something that is a distraction?  Do you find ways to work on your game or do you have other outlets like your phone or your TV? The best players know how to fill their downtown appropriately.  A lot of times this means rest, relaxation, and getting away from the game.  A lot of other times, this means practicing on your own, watching film, doing skill work, stretching, conditioning, or watching YouTube videos that can help you get better. Someone is always working, even when you aren't.  A big difference between good players and great players is how much time and effort they put into getting better. For Coaches I used to worry about parent phone calls, parent meetings, and parent emails.  Then I realized that parents just want to do things:   1) What's best for their kid and  2) To be heard. O...

"Locate a resilient kid and you will also find a caring adult - or several- who has guided him." -  Invincible Kids, U.S. News & World Report The key to achievement for students from poverty is in creating relationships.  Teachers and administration have always known that relationships, often referred to as 'politics,' make a great deal of difference - sometimes all of the difference - in what could or could not happen in a building.  In schools, we focus so much on achievement and effective teaching strategies, yet the most important part of learning seems to be related to the relationship. When a low performing student is asked how they made the journey, the answer 9 times out of 10 has to do with a relationship with someone who made a suggestion or took an interest in them as individuals. Covey uses the idea of an emotional bank account.  He indicates that in all relationships one makes deposits to and withdrawals from the other person i...

Kevin Eastman - Coaching U Podcast You have to learn how to build and or strengthen relationships.   It’s not really about networking; networking is only and number. It’s not about how many people you know, it’s about how many relationships that you have. Having 15 players is great, but do you have a relationship with those 15 players?    Because the tougher the circumstance, the tougher the message, the tougher the truth – it can only be delivered, and received if there was a pre-existing, strong relationship that was built prior to those tough messages.   Those moments of truth in a game where you have to tell a hard truth to a player in the heat of the battle are made possible when you have worked over time to build the relationship. Its not about what makes a person tick, it matters what makes them talk.   If I can get them to talk, I can figure out what makes them tick.   From there and through the strength of the relationship, I can...

Megan Leuick and Kaitlyn Cresencia have created a website titled ‘ The Coaching Assist .’  What they do is target various coaches and then do a comprehensive 30 minute interview via telephone and then put those thoughts their website.  They also include book reviews. They recently interviewed Bob Starkey, the mastermind behind the popular blog  Hoop Thoughts . Coach Starkey’s career began at the high school level and includes stints of time on both the men’s and women’s sides of the collegiate game. The following excerpt is from that interview regarding the importance of establishing strong relationships with today's athletes.  You can find the full article  here . When we asked Coach Starkey if players have changed during his time as a coach, he pointed out that parents are the ones who have changed. Kids today are raised differently than they were 20 years ago, just as society as a whole has changed. From working with people like Dale Brown he ...

Megan Leuick and Kaitlyn Cresencia have created a website titled ‘ The Coaching Assist .’  What they do is target various coaches and then do a comprehensive 30 minute interview via telephone and then put those thoughts their website.  They also include book reviews. They recently interviewed Bob Starkey, the mastermind behind the popular blog  Hoop Thoughts . Coach Starkey’s career began at the high school level and includes stints of time on both the men’s and women’s sides of the collegiate game. The following excerpt is from that interview regarding the importance of correcting your players in a quick and efficient manner so that they can get the important information and move onto the next play without focusing on the present and future as oppose to previous mistakes.  You can find the full article here . John Wooden had a rule where he tried his best to never lecture his players or spend too much time making a point; brevity and conciseness...

When asked why she became a coach, Coach Sahar Nusseibeh of Bowling Green referenced her high school coach and his commitment to his team.  She said that the still resonates as one of the best motivators she’s ever met and is responsible for lighting a passion in her for coaching.  “He was extremely committed to us.  I felt as if he would run through a wall for me. https://thecoachingassist.com/2015/11/02/sahar-nusseibeh-assistant-coach-at-bowling-green/#more-392 ‘For sustainable success, you have to put the person before the player.’ Coach Sahar Nusseibeh of Bowling Green has created  a library of resources to provide to her players, along with activities for the players to help apply the concepts that she is looking to emphasize.   For example, if a player is struggling with confidence in her ability, she may find a TED Talk on confidence that the player might relate to.   Sustainable Development: Person Over the Player ...