Chapter 9 - It is the Relationships One Remembers

"Locate a resilient kid and you will also find a caring adult - or several- who has guided him."

-  Invincible Kids, U.S. News & World Report

The key to achievement for students from poverty is in creating relationships.  Teachers and administration have always known that relationships, often referred to as 'politics,' make a great deal of difference - sometimes all of the difference - in what could or could not happen in a building.  In schools, we focus so much on achievement and effective teaching strategies, yet the most important part of learning seems to be related to the relationship.

When a low performing student is asked how they made the journey, the answer 9 times out of 10 has to do with a relationship with someone who made a suggestion or took an interest in them as individuals.

Covey uses the idea of an emotional bank account.  He indicates that in all relationships one makes deposits to and withdrawals from the other person in that relationship.    The first step to creating relationships with students and adults is to make the deposits that are the basis of relationships.  It always starts with one person to another.  

A successful relationship occurs when emotional deposits are made to the student, emotional withdrawals are avoided and students are respected.

Schools and teams create and build relationships through support systems, through caring about students, by promoting student achievement, by being role models, and by insisting upon successful behaviors for school.

When you look back on a teaching/coaching career, it is the relationships one remembers.  The primary motivation for most is in the relationships.  Find ways to establish natural connections that will enable this vital resource to take root and grow by making deposits.

These notes were from chapter 9 of the book, A Framework for Understanding Situational Poverty.  The main takeaways that I got from the book are that to get the most out of our kids, we have to make sure that we teach and model appropriate behaviors and expectations that will help all of our children have success in school and life while respecting the cultures from which they come from.  We do that by showing and giving respect, by being consistent, and by building caring, honest and meaningful relationships.