Hack 3 - Building Relationships

Trust is the glue of life.  It's the most essential ingredient in effective communication.  It's the foundational principle that holds all relationships. - Stephen Covey

I am currently reading Hacking Leadership by Joe Sanfelippo and Tony Sinanis.  These notes were taken from Hack 3 of their book, Build Relationships.

The best coaches are great at being deliberate and intentional when it comes to building relationships with their athletes, their families, the school, the community and everybody associated with the program.  

When a new coach comes in, there is usually a honeymoon period.  The new voice is exciting and refreshing and everybody works to find favor with the new coach.  Great coaches use this time to build a solid foundation of where the program is going to go and they do that by starting with relationships.  It's easy for the new coach to build momentum, but it is much harder to sustain it.  To sustain the momentum built up, coaches have to WORK to establish trust with those they are leading and serving.

Steve Kerr once said in an interview that X's and O's are only about 10%-20% of his coaching job in the NBA.  The 'other' stuff makes up the bulk of what he does.  We watch videos all of the time on new plays and new ways to teach different drills and skills, but we need to be intentional in finding new ways and strategies to build positive relationships as well.  

Building relationships is about being intentional and being authentic and making deposits, not withdrawals.  

Building and nurturing relationships cost zero dollars - it only costs time.  You can look at relationships like a bank.  Every time you are in the presence of someone, it's like you are at the bank, and you are either making deposits or withdrawals.  Every look, every word, every gesture, every response is either a deposit or a withdrawal.  The more deposits that you make over time, the more social capital that you build, the stronger the trust and the stronger the relationship.  The more social capital that you have built in a certain relationship, the more grace that you might have in times of need. 

With each interaction or trip to the bank, make sure that you are connecting with others.  You can connect in real-time and virtually, and it is best to mix it up.  Technology is a great way to connect with others.  Use a Facebook page or Twitter handle to communicate what is going on with the team. Setup a team app to communicate important information.  Simply sending inspirational text messages and emails can go a long way as well.  But, nothing beats face-to-face, authentic interactions.

After your interactions, take time to reflect.  We learn by doing, but we learn more by reflecting on what we have done.  Everybody on your team is different.  Everybody has a different 'why' for being there, and everybody is motivated by different things.  Take time to reflect on what works best for each athlete so you can better reach, serve, motivate and teach them all.

Some simple ways to connect and make deposits are to write notes for your athletes before big games, after great practices, or just because!  Make it a goal to write 1 or 2 handwritten notes for each member of your team each season.  The same idea could be applied to text messages and emails.  It only takes 30 seconds to make a connection and to make a deposit in a relationship - we just have to be intentional and purposeful and authentic.

Every time you are in the presence of someone who has an interest in your program, or anytime you are talking about your team or represent your team in any way, you are building your culture.  With every interaction, you are affecting your culture.  Be mindful of that.  Be mindful that you are making daily deposits into building stronger relationships because if you are not making deposits, you are consequently making withdrawals.