Handling the Storm | Deescalation

We have a saying that everybody is great and happy when the shots are falling or when the bats are hitting, but who can we count on when the storm comes and we have to navigate through and around adversity?

When the storm comes in a game and the coach has to call a timeout, it's interesting to see how the huddle, the players, and the coaches react and respond in the heat of the moment. Wins and losses aren't determined by our mistakes; they are determined by how we respond to mistakes.

An important word and concept to learn and live by is the concept of de-escalation. Deescalation is calming someone (or yourself) down so that they can respond appropriately instead of reacting emotionally. Something happened - it could have been a made or missed shot, a turnover, an injury, or anything else, and responding with empathy, even in the moment, will help respond in a way that shows empathy in order to get to the heart of the matter.

Dr. Bruce Perry is a researcher, clinician, and teacher who has worked with victims of America's highest profiled traumatic events, including the Branch Davidians siege in Waco, TX, the September 11th terrorist attacks, and the Sandy Hooks shootings. He said that anger leads to anger. He said, "If you are in an argument with someone and if someone is angry, you can't reach them through more anger. It's biology and the way that our brains work. You can't coach, reason, or think when your anger has hijacked your brain" (Dr. Bruce Perry).

When the going gets tough and the crowds get loud, and the fouls get harder, and the shots mean more, and the play gets more intense, do you react, escalate, and swirl through the storm, or do you take a second, breath, find your calm, and deescalate?

Coaches are teachers. Our gyms are our classrooms, and the games are the test. When there is a behavior issue or conflict in the classroom, we teach our teachers how to respond, not react, and how to invite escalated kids into their calm instead of walking (or running) into their storm. We then teach teachers how to teach kids how to recognize when they are escalating, and how to respond and not react so that they can deescalate themselves and find their calm in their storm.

Great players and great teams have great responses. When you are going through a storm, do you describe the storm or do you navigate the storm? Do you talk about, point out, and repeat everything that is going wrong, or do you respond with appropriate action or non-action?

Your responses to mistakes are created and manifested before you are in the storm. Ask yourself, "When I make a mistake, or when my athletes make a mistake, or when my kids make a mistake, what is my response going to be?"

Two questions to ask in the moment are:

1 - What happened or is happening?

2 - How do we fix it or make it right?

Two more questions that you can add in between are:

1 - What was the intent?

2 - What was the impact?

De-escalation and having a plan or thought process for handling adversity is a great way to guide your life proactively because you will face adversity.

References:

Winfrey, Oprah. "Dr. Bruce Perry." Super Soul, featuring Dr. Bruce Perry, 27, April 2021, https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/super-soul/id1264843400?i=1000518893926