Circle Up

A 9th-grade basketball coach was struggling with team chemistry and the relationships on his team. The athletes had formed cliques, and some felt excluded and bullied on the team. The coach tried running the athletes, talking to the athletes, and even threatened the athletes' spots on the team, but nothing made a difference.

A coaching mentor, Coach Josh, was brought in to help. He arranged the athletes in a circle. The coaches were also present. Coach Josh started with a quote from Pat Summitt:

"A champion is someone who is willing to be uncomfortable, but teammwork is what makes common people capable of uncommon results."

Coach Josh gave every person in the circle a pen and two notecards. He said, "Think about the best teammate that you ever had. What is one or two words to describe that teammate." 

Coach Josh gave them a few minutes to think and write, then he said, "I want to get to know a little more about you all. I have in my hand a talking stick. It's just a basketball, but the person who holds the basketball is the person who gets to talk and share. Everybody is going to have the opportunity to share, and we would really encourage everybody to share and be honest. If you don't feel comfortable sharing, you can pass, but a team has to be a space where everybody feels like they belong, valued, and safe to share their thoughts and opinions."

Coach Josh said, "When it is your turn and you have the basketball, I want you to say your name, what you like most about basketball and the word or characteristic that you wrote down to describe the best teammate that you ever had."

Everybody in the circle shared, and it was a great way to break the ice. Also, players and coaches were able to learn something new about everybody on the team. Everybody in the circle began feeling more comfortable talking to one another in the circle.

When the ball made its way back around to Coach Josh, he asked "Who are you listening to or what kind of music are you listening to?" This question led to some laughs and some jokes. The people in the circle were starting to open up more and get even more comfortable. When the ball got back to Coach Josh, he said, "I love how you all were able to open up and share, and I love how you were able to laugh with and not at each other. Now, who in your life has influenced you in a good way to help make you the good person and athlete that you are today. What did they give you?"

These two questions were a little more personal but they were still positive. Coach Josh was still building community and relationships while making sure that everyone in the circle was still comfortable enough to share. 

Coach Josh's next question went even deeper so that they could start addressing some of the issues that were harming their team. Coach Josh said, "I need to ask a more serious question, and I hope that we have built up enough trust to answer this truthfully. This is a safe place for us, and we all want to be the best teammates and team for each other. How do we treat each other on this team?"

The answers were short and honest. As the ball worked its way around the circle, you could feel the answers getting deeper and more honest: "Okay." "Could be better." "Clique-ish." "Mean." "Rude." "Selfishly." "Good to some, bad to others."

Coach Josh said, "Thank you for being honest. It can be tough expressing your true feelings, but I appreciate you doing so because that is how we grow. My next question is, 'How does this affect you personally?' The athletes responded that they felt alone, upset, frustrated, mad, intimidated, ready to fight, and ready to quit.

Coach Josh then asked, "Who is strong or courageous enough to admit that they had a part in this?" A few of the athletes were now confident, comfortable, and open enough to admit that they had played a part in this. Some even admitted that they played a part by not helping or addressing certain things.

Coach Josh's final question was, "Who needs to say something to make this right?"

Some of the athletes apologized to the team, some apologized directly to teammates, and some apologized to their coaches. There were a few tears in the circle, but you could feel the team growing closer together. By talking about their actions and feelings, they realized the impact of their behavior.

The team made a commitment in that circle to be better people and better teammates for each other. They promised to get rid of the cliques and to include everybody in everything that they do. They promised to look out for each other, and if they saw or heard of bullying, they promised to address it.

Coach Josh said, "We all have one more notecard. I want you to think about the best coach you ever had. I want you to think about what made them the best coach that you ever had, and write down one or a few words to describe that coach."

After they wrote their word down, they went around the circle sharing their word. Coach Josh finished the circle by saying, "I want you to keep the first card where you wrote about the best teammate you ever had close to you. I want you to commit to being the best teammate that you can be, and if you are struggling, pull that card out and think about that teammate. I am going to collect the second cards and give them to your coaches. Coaches, we want you to commit to being the best coaches that you can for your team. They have told you what the best coaches do. Can you commit to being that coach for them?"

This was a powerful experience for the team and their coaches. It was a moment that made them better that season and for life. For the rest of the season, the coach started each practice with a simple, short circle. It wasn't meant to go deep, and it wasn't meant to go long. It was meant for everybody to stay connected and close like a family. The coach's purpose for each circle was to learn more about his players, for them to learn more about him, and for them to learn more about each other.

1 - What is something you are excited or confident about?
2 - What is something you are not excited or confident about?
3 - What can WE do to help?