Like most athletes and coaches, I HATE losing. I hate losing and I hate the thought of losing. Just the thought of it actually gives me anxiety. I used to cry after every loss as a kid, and even as an adult, I can privately shed a tear or two after I lose a tough game.
I was listening to a podcast by Jon Gordon featuring author Donald Miller and they talked about the power of storytelling, the elements of a great story, the journey that all heroes must take and how losing is an important part of the hero's journey.
Almost every hero, or anybody who has achieved something great, has experienced a major loss or has made a really big mistake in their life that they have had to bounce back from. Michael Jordan got cut from his high school varsity basketball team. Tom Brady didn't get drafted until the 6th round. Steph Curry didn't receive any offers from major college basketball teams. All three sports heroes experienced major losses and or setbacks in their lives, but overcame them and experienced success much greater than their struggles.
Instead of letting mistakes define them or cause them to quit, heroes learn from their mistakes and they use those lessons to help them achieve something greater than they lost.
The key is to reframe your loss as just a part of your story and managing your mental energy in a way that will help you survive your losses, rebound, and then thrive.
Every great story has a hero that has a clearly defined purpose. The hero starts on their journey, and they face some kind of enemy. That enemy could be internal, like a feeling of self-pity, self-doubt, or a lack of discipline. That enemy could also be external, like an evil dragon, energy vampires at work, a mean teammate, a mean parent, or a tough team that you just can't beat. The hero usually gets defeated by the villain and experiences some major setback, but they learn and grow from the loss and recover in a way that they come back stronger than they were before.
We find ourselves in different situations all of the time in life, good and bad, and we have to make the most of each situation, then make the most of the next one, and then the next one by staying positive, not getting down in the moment, not letting setbacks set us back but let them move us forward, and life will somehow work out great.
In order to have a great story, the hero or the main character of a story has to have a defined focus or purpose. They have to face challenges, they have to be willing to face challenges, and they have to have a positive attitude about those challenges. They can't be afraid of the villain and they have to be willing to take it on.
If we structure our lives so that we are the hero in our own, meaningful story, it is an antidote for depression and anxiety, and if you have a high internal locus of control, you are generally happier and more successful.
Structure your life like you are the main character and hero in your own life. Learn how to see setbacks as villains, and know that it is your purpose and mission to defeat the villains and to grow from those battles. Reframe adversity as just a part of the story, and see yourself beating the villains so that you can win your story.
The hero only transforms when they face a challenge or the villain forces them to change. Change is uncomfortable and adversity is not easy to deal with. But it's how we deal with it, how we learn from it, and how we grow from it that dictates our future success. When you face adversity, instead of letting it get you down, use it to help you grow!
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