You Have To Be ...

Some good thoughts from episode 1 of Last Chance U. They were talking about the resourcefulness and grit that it takes to have success at the junior college level.

I played Juco basketball and I coached Juco basketball. Those were some of the best times of my life, but it is a hard process.

There aren't a lot of resources, there isn't a lot of time, and there aren't a lot of opportunities. But there are a lot of distractions and obstacles.

To make it, you have to be tough, have grit, and compete. You have to be resourceful, you have to figure things out, and you have to always be willing to try harder.

Those lessons stick with me today.

What are you willing to do?
What are you willing to learn?
What are you willing to try?
What are you willing to go through?

Coaching the Uncoachable Pt. 1 - Build A Connection

This is part 1 of a three-part series on coaching tough kids and tough parents. It is just my thoughts and my experiences on the subject. Someone reached out to me via Facebook and asked me about viewpoints on tough kids and tough parents.

Coaching the 'uncoachable' can be tough. But first, let me clarify - I don't consider any athlete (or student) uncoachable or a bad kid. It is a mindset that I adopted years ago.

I live by the idea of having a Growth Mindset. I feel that every person has the ability to grow and improve, and it is my job as a coach to meet them where they are and to help them grow into what they can be.

Coaching kids who most would consider as 'uncoachable' is just hard. Every coach's dream is to have a team full of bought-in, talented, hardworking kids who put the team first, and who are willing to run through a wall for the coach and their teammates. But the reality is that not every kid is built like this.

We can blame kids, we can blame parents, and we can blame society. But it is what it is, so we have to learn how to better coach kids that we don't automatically connect with.

And I always start with the connection.

I think it is important to learn that the kids we coach today need a connection, a relationship, and trust before they fully buy-in to our vision. We have to build trust and relationships with our athletes. There is an old saying that says, 

"They don't care how much you know until they know how much you care." 

This is one of the most important things to realize when we coach and work with kids. They just don't care about what YOU did, how good YOU were, or how good YOU are as a coach until they know that YOU can help THEM get better, and that YOU care for THEM.

When we start operating under this lense, I think we become more effective coaches and mentors for our athletes. I am always thinking about what my athletes (and their parents) want out of their performance, what the team needs, their long-term growth and development, and how I can merge these things. It is called having a shared vision.

When I was growing up, we HAD to listen to the coach. If we didn't, we were on the line. These kids are just different. They aren't better or worse; they are just different. We have to grow and better understand them if we want to better reach them. It starts with relationships.

When you have a kid who isn't as bought in as you would like, try building a stronger relationship with them. Try to connect with them. Get to know them better. Start to build trust with them. Ask them what their favorite part of playing is. Ask them how long they have been playing. Ask them what they think they are best at, and what they think they need to get better at. Ask them what their goals are - as an athlete and as a person. Then start to explain to them how doing a few things differently can help them get better individually and help the team do better. Tell them that you can't wait to help them reach their goals. Tell them how much you believe in them.

Again, it starts with the connection.

Tomorrow, I will have more actionable items on how to coach the uncoachable athletes!

Questions For Your Athletes

What do you bring to the team?

How do you make your teammates better?

How do you make your team better?

What are you doing to get better?

How do you make your teammates feel when you walk in the locker room or walk into practice?

Think about these things. Be intentional about the way you make others feel. Know what your role is and how you can help your team and teammates. Know your strengths and weaknesses, and know where you can improve.

Letter To OUR Athlete

I know that this is their life, their career, their game, their experience. But this what is in my mind and heart. Today it is a game; tomorrow it is their career and their families.

I want them to play with courage and grit now. I want them to play with love and empathy for their teammates now. I want them to have fun, now.

But I want them to live with courage and grit later in life. I want them to live with love and empathy for their family and co-workers later. I want them to have fun, later.

So these are my thoughts for today and for later:

To My Girls ...

I have three daughters and the last thing I want for my girls is to deal with image issues or any kind of bullying because they play sports and because they are 'sporty.'

I don't want them to have to worry about looking like a girl, or dressing like a girl, or acting like a girl. This is stuff my 9 year old is starting to have tk deal with, and I am trying to fight it with her.

To my girls,

I want you, your friends and teammates, and all girls to know that being an athlete is one of the best things that you can be. 

Know how special you are because you play sports. You are tough, you are strong, you are successful. You know how to be a great friend and a great teammate. you know how to handle adversity. You know how to listen and take instruction. You know how to win. You know how to create a goal and a plan. You know how to execute that plan.

You are beautiful. You are smart.

Being an athlete is one of your super powers. Love it. Embrace it. Use it to make you stronger and better - in sports, in school, and in life.

There are so many wonderful female athlete role models that you can look up to. No matter what you look like, what you like, what you like to wear, there are high school, college, and professional female athletes that are just like you.

Playing sports is fun now, but you will get so many opportunities from it. Sports can help you get into college and they can help you get a great job. Sports can help you meet all kinds of people.

Sports can literally take you around the world.

Never forget how special you are. Enjoy playing sports with your friends. Enjoy competing. There is nothing like going to a tournament with your friends. Playing in the games, eating between games, and the laughs and jokes throughout it all.

I love that you play sports. I love watching you practice, I love watching you play games. I love our drives to and from tournaments. I love everything about you athletic career.

Most importantly, I love you.

Live What You Say

In my school district, we are establishing above the line and below the line behavior. We are defining what is appropriate and we are learning how to assess and manage it.

You can't be a leader if you aren't living above the line.

You can't tell someone to play harder if you don't.

You can't tell someone to defend better if you don't.

You can't tell someone to pass if you don't.

You can't tell someone to get to practice early if you don't.

You can't tell someone to be organized and professional and responsible if you aren't.

If you want to be a leader, be someone who is worth following.

Take A Chance

Effort is everything.
In sports and in life.

One of the best pieces of advice that I have ever received was from an old coach and principal. He said, "Don't ever be too afraid to go after a job. If you get it, you will figure it out."

I think the same things apply in sports. Don't ever be too afraid to play, to get in the action, or to try something. Make or miss, you will figure it out, but you can only figure it out if you are in the game.

Just work, take a chance, and learn from your experiences.

One thing that I try to push for, especially with my younger kids, is to just get involved in the game. Get a touch. Get in the middle of the action. Don't stand around the outside of the pile; get in the middle of it.

Learn how to get in, to fight, and to make a play.

Once we get in there and start making mistakes, then we can learn and grow and get better.

Athletes have to learn how to embrace the messiness while you are learning. It won't always be pretty, but that is what growth and getting better is all about.

What Is A Point Guard?

Former NBA guard was asked to define what an NBA point gaurd is.

His response was

A leader. A person that is going to make everybody around them better. A person willing to sacrifice and will do whatever it takes to win. 

This quote can be for any athlete in any sport, or for anybody in life. When you walk into the room, do you make the room better? When you walk into the room, do you raise the energy in the room or do you drain the energy in the room?

Be somebody that people want to be around. Be someone who brings value. It doesn't even matter your skill level or how good you are. What really matters is your character, your effort, and how hard you are willing to work. What really matters is caring about your teammates, helping them, and serving them. What really matters is your willingness to compete, to get better, and to play with courage through fear.

Nobody is perfect, but we are really looking for progress, not perfection.

The Last Shot

Don't ever be too afraid to take the shot. 

Take the shot!

It is okay to feel fear, but do it anyways. Do it afraid if you have to, but do it.

When I was about 10 or 11, I had the chance to take the game winning shot. Instead of shooting, I passed and my teammate missed completely. When we got home, my dad (who was our coach) asked me why I didn't take the last shot. 

Instead of telling him the truth - that I was too afraid - I told him that I didn't know. He told me something that stuck with me. He said to always be ready to take the last shot. Its okay to be scared, but do it anyway. He said look what happened - my teammate took a terrible shot, missed, and we lost. I couldn't have done any worse than he did.

I have never been too afraid to take the final shot since that conversation. I have made some game winning shots, and I have missed some. But I am willing to take it and live with the consequences.

Take the shot. Somebody has to, so it might as well be you. Its okay to miss.

But what if you make it?

Energy!!!

PARENTS and COACHES:

I believe that one of our biggest jobs is being able to manage the energy that our athletes have and need.

Sometimes the energy is too low and we need to bring it up with cheering and clapping.

Sometimes their energy is too high and we need to help bring it down with calm support.

Sometimes it's right where it needs to be and we need to stay out of the way.

Knowing what your athletes need, and when they need it, is an absolute game-changer!!!

Being A Sports Parent ...

Being a sports parent is hard.

'Should I push her more, or am I pushing too hard?'

'Are we doing too much, or are we not doing enough?'

'Are we having enough fun, or are we having too much fun?'

'Are we competing, or are we just participating?'

There should be a manual for this, but there isn't. Keep the lines of communication open. Know what your kids think about themselves and what they think about their sports.

Find middle ground and stability. Sometimes they need to be pushed harder, sometimes they need to be loved more. Sometimes they need more skills practice, sometimes they need more games and competition, sometimes they just need a break.

Know what they want to get out of being an athlete. Help them set goals and create a plan on how to help them reach their goals. Hold them accountable and teach them how to hold themselves accountable.

Teach them how to be great teammates. Teach them how to be great people. Teach them how to compete.

Above all, just love and enjoy them, and let them know how much you love and enjoy them. Tell them that you love watching them play. Tell them that watching them play is one of your favorite things. Create and live out the memories that you want to keep.

Sooner than later, they will be retired athletes like us, and all we will be left with is the memories. What they will be left with is the result of how we treated them. How we treat them will stick with them forever.

Success Scenario

Anxiety.

Fear.
Mental health.
Stress.
In sports, and in life.

Just do what you can the best that you can, and have faith that it will all work out.

Find consistency in your routine.

Just keep working and trying to be your best.

Control your thoughts. Think positive, be positive. Try to think about your success scenario. A success scenario is the end game. It is what you want to get out of your career, or a practice or a workout. Its what you what to get out of a season. It is what you want to get out of a difficult conversation, or a project at work or school.

Often, we over-work and over-stress ourselves because we haven't identified our success scenario. When you don't know what you are working for, you don't have a plan. 

There is so much going on each game and in life today. Let's break it down into smaller chunks that we can deal with and that doesn't overwhelm us.

Think about the steps you can take today to help achieve your success scenario.

You got this.
We've got this!!

Do Your Job

Some games are tougher than others.
Some of us like playing in the heat.
Some of us like playing in the cold.
Some of us like playing in the morning.
Some of us like playing at night.

The conditions don't matter.
We have a job to do.
Our coaches and our teammates depend on it.

We have to get mentally and physically prepared to be at our best for ourselves and for our teammates.

Just give it your best. Every time. All of the time.

Live Above the Line

Before the first practice when Coach K took over team USA basketball, he sat down with all members of the team and they created team standards that they were committed to living by and playing by.

Those standards included things like how to show to up on time, the effort that they expected everyday from each other, and the type of teammates that they would need to be to each other.

One of the first things a coach or leader needs to establish are the standards that they team would live by.

One smart thing that Coach K did was meet with his team leaders before practice, ran the idea by them first, and asked them to bring one standard each to lead the conversation. After this, everybody else just fell in line.

Setting clear standards draws a line of what is acceptable and what is not acceptable. We want to live above the line. 

1 - Set clear standards.

2 - Catch above the line behavior.

3 - Manage below the line behavior.

4 - Be the example of the standards.

The hardest thing about standards are that we are the standard. We have to live above the line in everything that we do.