Why Some Athlete Survive and Others Thrive

Have you ever noticed that some athletes excel under some coaches but struggle and melt while playing for other coaches? Kelsi was a player who had a lot of talent but struggled with her confidence. She could do complicated moves and mazes in training, but she struggled to replicate them in games. She always told her parents that she didn't feel confident enough to try what she was working on in private training sessions in practice and games because she had a fear and anxiety of messing up.

Going into Kelsi's senior year, her high school hired a new coach, and almost immediately, her parents saw a change in her confidence, energy, and performance. Kelsi had a great senior year, and when her parents asked her what changed, she said that it was that she felt more comfortable and confident playing for her new coach. Kelsi said that her new coach made her feel confident because he believed in her, and she felt safe because when she made a mistake, he helped her through them and through adversity instead of riding her and overly criticizing her. Kelsi said that her new coach had high standards and was very demanding and hard on the team, but she felt like he worked with the team and her teammates and not against them.

The two things that stood out about Kelsi's story were that Kelsi felt more confident because her coach believed in her, and Kelsi felt safe enough to make mistakes and keep going.

Research supports that expectations might be the most important key to success. When you believe in yourself, you do better, and when coaches believe in their athletes, they do better (Rosenthal). When we believe in our athletes and have high expectations for our athletes, they believe more in themselves and perform better (Cohen). Kelsi said that her coach made a point to say, "I believe in you," every practice, and he said it louder and more often when they were going through adversity. When he taught them something new and challenging, her coach would say, "I am teaching you this because I believe that you can do it. It will be tough at first and hard to learn, but I believe that you will be able to learn it and I will help you learn it." When her coach would give her feedback, her coach said, "I am giving you this feedback because I believe in you." Kelsi's coach would continuously and consistently tell them how much he believed in them, how confident he was in their ability to learn and do hard things, and he would work with them, as partners, as they learned what he was teaching them.

Kelsi's coach also created a safe environment, and creating a safe environment for your athletes is one of the most important things that we can do for our athletes to help them be successful. Dr. Bruce Perry is a researcher, clinician, and teacher who has worked with victims of America's highest profiled traumatic events, including the Branch Davidians siege in Waco, TX, the September 11th terrorist attacks, and the Sandy Hooks shootings. Dr. Perry says that when people have the privilege of being in a safe, consistent, and predictable environment, they are more curious and willing to explore the world (Brown). When our athletes feel safe and curious, they can handle adversity better and they are more willing to find comfort in being uncomfortable. 

WHEN WE CAN PROVIDE ADVERSITY IN WAYS THAT ARE CONTROLLABLE, PREDICTABLE, AND MODERATE, IT CAN LEAD TO MORE GRIT AND RESILIENCE. IT IS LIKE WEIGHT LIFTING FOR MORE AND STRONGER GRIT.

Adversity is a part of sports and a part of life, but how we manage adversity can dramatically change the chemical makeup of our brains. Adversity and stress can lead to overactivity and over-reactivity. Our athletes have tiny experiences all the time that tells them, "You don't belong here," or, "You aren't good enough," or, "You can't do this." These things activate their stress response system in unpredictable ways. Adversity can lead to changes in our athletes' mindsets that can last forever if not managed correctly.

To combat this, do what Kelsi's coach did:

1 - Tell your athletes you believe in them

2 - Have high expectations for your athletes because you believe in them

3 - Look at your athletes like they are partners who you work with and not against

4 - Create safe, consistent, and predictable environments where they learn how to effectively see and manage adversity

5 - Continue to push them hard and 'coach them up,' and when you provide feedback say, "I am coaching/correcting/teaching you because I believe in you"

COACHING IS MORE ABOUT PEOPLE THAN PLAYS AND MORE ABOUT SALLYS AND JOES THAN Xs AND Os.

DON'T BE SO TRANSACTIONAL THAT YOU FORGET TO BE RELATIONAL AND TRANSFORMATIONAL.

WE HAVE THE ABILITY TO SHAPE A CHILD'S VIEW OF THE WORLD AND HOW THEY VIEW THEMSELVES.

Don't be so transactional that you forget to be relational and transformational.
We have the ability to shape a child's worldview and how they view themselves.

Start by looking at the three E's and how they affect your athletes:

1 - The EVENT - look at what is happening, how you are talking to, coaching, and criticizing your athletes, how they are treating each other, and what they are going through.

2 - The EXPERIENCE - look at how they are experiencing the events that are happening in their lives and the impact that it is having

3 - The EFFECT - how are the events that your athletes are experiencing affecting their thoughts, actions, and emotions, and help them manage it

If your athletes can't manage the events in their lives, how they experience those events, and how those events affect them, then they will struggle to do what you need them to do at the level you want them to it.

Manage people, not plays. Make sure your athletes know how much you believe in them. Tell them how much you believe in them. Tell them that you are partners experiencing this journey together. Create safe, consistent, and predictable environments while introducing adversity and the unpredictability that comes with sports in an intentional and safe way. Be hard, tough, and demanding with high expectations, but do so in a meaningful, impactful, and effective way.

YOU CAN BE THE PERSON WHO TURNS THINGS AROUND FOR ATHLETES AND UNLOCK A WORLD OF POTENTIAL LYING INSIDE OF THEM. IT USUALLY TAKES JUST ONE PERSON-A PERSON WHOM ATHLETES WILL NEVER FORGET.

References:

Brown, Brene. "Brene With Oprah Winfrey and Dr. Bruce Perry on Trauma, Resistance, and Healing." Unlocking Us with Brene Brown, 05, May 2021, https://open.spotify.com/episode/7GgvaJ3DUL4oQyxtyr86H3

Rosenthal, R., & Jacobson, L. (1968). Pygmalion in the Classroom.

Cohen, G., & Garcia, J. (2014). Educational Theory, Practice, and Policy and the Wisdom of Social Psychology.