Who Are You As A Coach?

One of the most influential coaches that I had in my life was my select soccer coach. I played multiple sports growing up. Basketball was my favorite sport, but soccer was my first sport. When I was 10, I knew nothing about the select soccer world, and neither did my parents when my rec soccer coach told my parents that I needed to try out with his son for a select team. He said that I had the talent and potential to take my game to the next level, and select soccer was the next step for athletes like me.

The team held tryouts over the course of two weekends. After the first weekend, he had extended offers to about 75% of the athletes he wanted for his team. He told me that I had talent and potential but I was raw. I had never had any kind of skills training for soccer, so he was. I only played soccer because it was fun. I never saw professional soccer on TV, I didn't know anything about professional soccer, and I didn't know anything about select soccer. I thought soccer was a sport that everybody played for fun, so when he said that I lacked the skills and IQ that many of the other kids had, I had no idea what he was talking about; but I was excited for the challenge and the opportunity.

Coach told me that I had a good chance of making the team, but I needed to come back next week for the second tryout. He was very honest with me. He said if another kid with my athleticism but with a better skillset came along, I wouldn't make the team. This made me nervous and anxious because I had never been told I wasn't good enough, especially when it came to sports, but I had just made a name for myself among this new group of soccer players that I had never seen before, and I couldn't wait to prove myself again the next week to a new group that, in my mind, Coach was bringing in to take my spot.

I ended up making the team, and I ended up starting as a mid-fielder on a Classic League Team. But I hated it. This was the first team that I ever played on where I hated and feared going to practice. I liked being pushed, and I wanted to be great at sports, but the way that I was pushed caused me to hate and fear practice. Every mistake that I made was called out in a way that made me feel less of myself, and instead of inspiring me to be better, Coached pushed me away from the team and away from a sport that I was good at. Despite winning the MVP award at the end of the year as the best player on a Classic League team, that was my first and only year playing select soccer.

There were other reasons behind that year being my only year playing select as well. I wanted to play college basketball and in the NBA, and all the other kids had dreams of playing college soccer and playing soccer professionally overseas. While their free time was spent juggling a soccer ball and working on striking and finishing, my free time was spent at the basketball court perfecting my moves. Soccer wasn't going to be a long-term thing for me UNLESS I had a coach who wasn't perfect, but who would make me excited to come to practice and grow a love for the game. I was not a 'participation trophy' type of athlete. I was a competitor who wanted to compete to be the best. I wanted to beat you, and I would run through you to do so. I would run through a brick wall for a coach who believed in me, and I wanted to run away from this coach. I was fortunate to have that in basketball, and I went on to play basketball in college. All things work together, and things happen for a reason. If I really loved soccer, I am sure that I would have been able to overcome that type of coaching and I could have used it to push me to be better, but there is a saying that, "You have to catch the fish before you can clean it," and I hadn't caught the soccer bug yet.

Our actions come from our beliefs, and our beliefs are formed by our experiences. Who we are as coaches emerge from our experience as athletes. My soccer experience has shaped the type of coach that I am for my athletes. I never want my athletes to be afraid to make a mistake or to hate coming to practice. I never want my athletes to be soft, overly coddled, and entitled either. I firmly believe that we can coach hard, push our athletes beyond their comfort zone, and have high expectations for ourselves and others while making our athletes excited about coming to practice and helping them grow their love for the game. It doesn't have to be "either/or."

I have been blessed to have coached many different sports at many different levels. I have coached 2-year-olds just learning how to play soccer, and I have coached college and professional athletes. My purpose is to help kids thrive on and off the court and help them thrive mentally and physically. My hope is to never be a kid's last coach. My goal each season is that everyone wants to come back and play next season. My goal is to beat your team, but to do so in a way that each kid grows and develops; we don't sacrifice long-term success for a win today. I am not perfect, and I am sure that you can find many athletes and parents that will say that I didn't live out what I said is my purpose, my hope, and my goals. But I try.

Just know that you can do both. You can make it fun and still push them and be demanding. You can teach them life lessons through sports by coaching them tough, being demanding, letting them struggle and go through adversity in a healthy and inspiring way. It doesn't have to be an "either/or." Your athletes will remember you. Will they remember you for the good things you did, or will they remember you for the harm that you caused? Your voice will be their inner voice for the rest of their life. What is it going to say to them? Will your voice be their inner voice of encouragement, or will it be an inner voice of negativity?

I have three kids, and they all approach sports differently.

For my competitive kid, I make sure that she play for coaches who will push her as hard as she needs to be pushed, but I won't let her play for a coach who will beat her down and who will make her fear and hate practice. 

For my non-competitive kid, I make sure that she plays for coaches who will push her as hard as she needs to be pushed, but I won't let her play for a coach who will beat her down and who will make her fear and hate practice.

For my kid who is still figuring out how competitive she wants to be, I make sure that she plays for coaches who will push her as hard as she needs to be pushed, but I won't let her play for a coach who will beat her down and who will make her fear and hate practice.