What Are We Saying To Our Athletes?

On a Facebook sports group page, a parent posted this:

While I sit here this morning between four U11/U12 girls games I hear parents and coaches making comments like:
"Jesus Christ! What are you doing?"
"You're terrible!"
"Wake up! You shouldn't even be out there if you are going to play like that!"
"Why did we even drive here this morning!!!"
"That (goal) was your fault!"

This reminded me of a speech that I heard about the power of the words of sports' parents and coaches. What we say to our athletes now becomes their inner voice later.

I am in no way a judge of what should and shouldn't be said to your athlete. Sometimes our athletes need to be pushed, and no one knows your athletes better than you do. I have said some of these things myself. Sometimes, one or two of the things is real feedback that accurately reflects performance.

It is easy to judge a parent or a coach based on an overheard comment. Yesterday, I was at a game where I heard a parent yell in anger, "Take him out!" I assumed he was telling his son to take out another kid, but after I stayed around and watched a little longer, I realized that he was yelling at the referee to take out a kid from the other team because the kid was taking out, with his elbow, every kid that got in his path. I say that to say that it isn't our job to judge what we don't know.

But, through this process (or experiment) of raising athletes, listen to how your coach talks to your kid, and think about how you talk to your kid. I don't want my kids' coaches to be too lovey-dovey and to not hold my kids accountable; I want my kids' coaches to be tough with love. But, I also don't want a coach putting negative thoughts in my kids' heads that will negatively affect them when they are adults. Know what you want for your kid.

"The games are fun, but what matters is what they become because of the games."