A Coach's Diary

In his book Uncommon Leadership, Ben Newman says, "Leadership is not for everybody." He also says, "Leadership, uncommon or otherwise, is not easy. It requires honesty, accepting reality, telling the truth to others as well as yourself, and setting your ego aside. Some people can do this, and some people cannot." In leadership, like in most things, the right mindset is everything, and it is rooted in mental toughness. We all experience adversity and having the right mindset and mental toughness will help us power through adversity and learn from our experiences. Ben continued to write, "Adversity can lead to introspection, and introspection can lead to action if you exercise the POWER of PERSPECTIVE. We can put things into the proper perspective by finding the good in the bad. There will always be things that we can't control, and there will be times when frustration and anger will make you want to quit. Adversity visits everyone, and some people are not wi...

In all situations - good and bad - do good things, be a good person, and walk-in love, and good things will happen to you. For a few years in a row when I was in high school, I played on a really good select team. We all got along, we all competed with each other - not against each other, and we were successful. Select sports are competitive, and with that competitiveness comes selfishness, jealousy, and envy. But not with our team. We competed at the highest level, but we did so together. We were a true team, and it showed on and off the court. One of my good friends was not as fortunate. He was on one of those select teams that were full of selfishness, jealousy, and envy. They were always fighting, and there was no trust. When he would come to me for advice or to vent, I looked down on him and his situation. I judged him and his actions. I would say things like, "Be a better leader," or, "Communicate better with your teammates." I felt like he was not doing enoug...

This is one of my favorite quotes by Michael Jordan because it shows that no one is perfect, and to be the best you can be, you have to go through adversity and come out on the other side. I saw an elite guard high school guard playing in a big game this weekend. She is the type of player that fans and parents of other kids stay around and watch. She is the type of player that other coaches and other parents want to beat. The energy in the gym was electric, and every time she got the ball, you could hear a buzz in the gym. Half of the gym was cheering for her and motivating her. The other half of the gym was yelling at her and telling her opponents to get her, stop her, and take the ball away from her. With about 30 seconds left and her team up by one point, the other team stole the ball from her went down, and scored a go-ahead layup. Most athletes at that moment would put their head down, feel defeated, and wouldn't want to be in that situation again, but what she did next is wha...

- Did you have fun? - Did you do your best? - Did you get better? After every game, one girl on my u9 soccer team asks me the same question, "Coach, did we win?" I ask her and the team the three questions above. They always say yes, and I always say, "Then you won!" They then put their hands up and cheer. This u9 soccer team hasn't lost a game yet in their rec league, so I haven't lied to them. But even if they did lose according to the score, if they can answer yes to those three questions, then they are winners. I used to be too competitive for u9 rec soccer. Having daughters has softened me a lot, but I am still competitive. I stress and worry more than I should about wins and losses, but this is something that I am trying to work on. One way that I have tried to improve in this area is by redefining success. That is where those three questions come from. I know that these girls won't go through life undefeated, and losing is good for everybody. You l...

A high-level college football coach shared the above picture with his team. The world that we live in can be very critical, and social media doesn't help. Anybody can call out anybody whenever they want, and they can hide behind their computers and phones without fear of any kind of consequences. The most important space to protect is the space in our minds. Our minds and our thoughts control our actions and performance. Don't let unwanted visitors come in and mess up your mind. Protect your mind and your mental health by not letting unwanted visitors and negativity in. At the 33:13 mark of the video above, John Mayer says,  "Celebrities spend hundreds of thousands of dollars on security and then get on the internet every morning and look at all this stuff online that makes them feel terrible, and it's like - they got in. They got in over the fence. If you are really going to live well, the mind is so important. Don't have unwanted visitors." The people who la...

One off season, I was teaching my young athletes new moves to help grow their game, but when we would scrimmage and they would use the moves and mess up, I would get on to them. I realized that I was stunting their growth by not allowing them to be creative and try the things that we were teaching. I forgot that failure was a part of the learning process. Now, I try to say, “Nice try,” when they try something new that we have been working on, and I try to provide clear feedback on what they could do better next time. Sometimes, I just say, “Nice try,” smile, and let them continue exploring (when we were growing up and playing unorganized sports with our friends in the streets, we didn’t have our parents or coaches critiquing every single play).

Do not be afraid or discouraged. For the Lord, your God is with you wherever you go (Joshua 1:9).  This week, I have wasted a lot of time doing a lot of WONDERING. - I have been WONDERING if I am a good enough coach and trainer. - I have been WONDERING if I am a good enough dad. - I have been  WONDERING  if I am doing enough or if I am good enough. When I was an athlete, I did a lot of WONDERING too.  - I would WONDER if I was good enough to be on the team or to start. - I would  WONDER  if I could compete with my opponent. - I would  WONDER  if I was ever going to hit the growth spurt that I thought I needed to play sports in college. I say I wasted a lot of time WONDERING because WONDERING is a waste of time. Nothing good or productive comes by sitting around and WONDERING about anything. You reap what you sow, and I had to, and still have to, decide to do good work as often as I can and trust that God will fill in the gaps and take care of...

We have a team rule: when the coach is talking, no one else is talking, no one is bouncing the ball, all eyes are on the coach, and everybody stands in front of coach, not behind coach. Eye contact is important. It is the first step to listening and learning, and it communicates to your coaches and your teammates that you care about what they have to say or teach. When your coach is talking, listen and show you are listening by giving proper eye contact.

The best are the best for a reason. In his podcast , Gilbert Arenas said that there are two avenues to success: love or pain. You either love something so much that you are willing to do whatever it takes to be successful, or you feel a pain from defeat so deep that you will do whatever it takes to never experience it again. In the same podcast, Matt Barnes was asked what made the Golden State Warriors different than the other teams that he had been on. Matt said that everyone kept their egos at the door and the goal was to win. Basketball and winning was the most important thing. But he also said the chemistry and environment and energy was different. Everybody enjoyed being there. There was love in the room and love circulating throughout the culture of the team. Matt also said that the work ethic from everybody was surprising. Everyone would be shooting before and after practice. On some teams, everybody shows up right on time and they leave as soon as practice is over. There are so...

On The No Chill podcast with Gilbert Arenas, Chris Paul said that when he first arrived to play with the Houston Rockets, one of the coaches told him,  "One of the things that you are going to have to work on is being able to deal with somebody that doesn't care as much as you care." Chris Paul says that he loves the game and studies the game, so it is hard for him to play with people who don't care about winning and who won't put in the work that it takes to be a winner. Gilbert Arenas said, "Everybody wants to be a winner, but they don't want to deal with what it takes to be a winner. Everybody talks about Mamba Mentality, but they don't like it when it's in your face. Mamba Mentality is ruthless." If you want to have Mamba Mentality, you have to come early, stay late, watch film, and compete. Gilbert also said that a lot of people don't like playing with winners because winners hold you accountable. They will tell you what they like an...

Many of my all-time, favorite athletes to coach weren't my best athletes. My favorite athletes are the athletes that had fun, brought positive energy and enthusiasm, and who loved to play. They also wanted to learn, they wanted to be coached hard, and they were always looking at ways to get better. My favorite athletes were encouragers and energizers. They make everyone feel better. My favorite athletes were positive, not negative. They weren't just positive in the good times. They brought positive energy, words, and enthusiasm to the gym when times got tough. Anybody can be positive. Just think positive thoughts. Anybody can be encouraging. Just think encouraging thoughts. It isn't always that easy. We all fall into negative funks where we can't find the rainbow through the rain and clouds. But remember that we are what we think. Think about the type of person you want to become. Think about the type of life you want to live. Think about the type of athlete and coach y...

Most practices are similar. You start out with some kind of warm-up, then you get into individual skill work. Next comes team skill work and you eventually get into some kind of scrimmaging/competing. Most athletes just get through the skill work so that they can get to the playing part of practice. The best know how important the warm-up and skill work are. The best stayed focused and locked-in on the skill work, they learn, and they apply the skill work in live action. If you want to be the best you can be, be focused, listen, learn, and apply from the start of practice through the end of practice. Every word your coach says and every drill you do is your opportunity to get better. Every mistake and success is a chance to get better. Don’t waste those opportunities by slopping through drill and skill work. Don’t just go through practice. Grow through practice. Every day, get a little better.

A popular Michael Jordan quote is, "Any fear is an illusion. You think something is standing in your way, but nothing is really there. What is there is an opportunity to do your best and gain some success." He has also been quoted saying, "Never say never, because limits, like fears, are often just an illusion." Those quotes sound great, and they sometimes help me feel more confident, but fear and  ANXIETY  is a real reality for many of us coaches and athletes. Fear and  ANXIETY  are both weapons of Satan to keep us from experiencing the full life that God has planned for us. Our emotions can overwhelm us and keep us paralyzed, but God said, "When you pass through the waters, I will be with you, and through the rivers, they will not overwhelm you (Isaiah 43:2)." Don't quit. Don't give in. Inch, by inch, keep moving forward.  ANXIETY  can be tough to overcome. It can keep you from working your hardest and doing your best. But don't lose heart an...