How WE Measure Success

- Did you have fun?

- Did you do your best?

- Did you get better?

After every game, one girl on my u9 soccer team asks me the same question, "Coach, did we win?"

I ask her and the team the three questions above. They always say yes, and I always say, "Then you won!" They then put their hands up and cheer.

This u9 soccer team hasn't lost a game yet in their rec league, so I haven't lied to them. But even if they did lose according to the score, if they can answer yes to those three questions, then they are winners.

I used to be too competitive for u9 rec soccer. Having daughters has softened me a lot, but I am still competitive. I stress and worry more than I should about wins and losses, but this is something that I am trying to work on.

One way that I have tried to improve in this area is by redefining success. That is where those three questions come from. I know that these girls won't go through life undefeated, and losing is good for everybody. You learn more about yourself and your team in defeat than you do in victory. But I have learned that if you don't have a healthy relationship with wins and losses, it can lead to an unhealthy relationship with sports and your teammates.

John Wooden has a really great quote about success and finding peace. I have heard and seen this quote hundreds of times, and I have even used it many times, but not until I became a dad and a dad coach did it really hit home in an impactful way.

"It is my belief that in one way or another we are all seeking success. And success is peace of mind, a direct result of self-satisfaction in knowing that you did your best to become the best that you are capable of becoming. I tried to convince my players that they could never be truly successful or attain peace of mind unless that had the self-satisfaction of knowing they had done their best."

 Did you have fun? Did you do your best? Did you get better? I had to train myself that those three things are what really matter. Those three questions are how I measure success. You can't always control the end score, but you can control those three things, and if you have fun, do you best, and continue to get better, you can have peace in knowing that you were successful because you made the effort to being the best of which you are capable.