The Key to Winning (People Over)

When I get up and speak in front of people, I get nervous. I question whether they are going to buy what I am selling, or if they are going to see me as a fraud. It could be in front of a classroom full of students, in front of my team in a pre-game speech, or in front of a group of educators or coaches, but that nervousness and anxiety never really leave.

I don't expect nervousness or anxiety to ever fully leave. Getting rid of them is not my goal; my goal is to learn how to control and direct anxiety when needed. Tennis legend Billie Jean King said, "Pressure is a privilege - it only comes to those who earn it." I have earned the privilege to speak in front of people in different capacities, but I still want to be seen as competent and for people to 'buy what I am selling.'

In The Talent Code, author Daniel Coyle wrote that the content of our pitch doesn't matter as much as the set of cues with which the pitch was delivered and received. Three things play a major factor in influencing choices more than others:

1 - Believing in yourself and your ideas

2 - Speak with confidence

3 - Be determined to make it work

While many think that rational measures like original ideas, fit, and fully developed plans make a big difference in whether or not people buy into us, how we connect with the people in the room and make people feel safe are more impactful.

Words are noise, and group performance depends on behavior that communicates the idea that we are safe and connected.

Coyle also said that three basic qualities that are required for people to feel safe and connected are:

1 - Energy: They invest in the relationship and exchange

2 - Individualization - They treat the person as unique and valued

3 - Future orientation - They signal the relationship will continue.

Don't overthink your next pre-game speech or talk to your class. Believe in yourself, speak with confidence, and be determined to make it work. Invest time and energy in building relationships with the people you work with, treat them as unique and valued people, and make them feel and believe that the relationship will continue in a positive way.