How to Defeat Give-Up-Itis

When I am going through long periods of stress, like a losing streak or a shooting slump, my body starts to shut down, fatigue starts to kick in, and all I want to do is sleep.

It’s harder for me to get out of bed, I stop exercising and meditating, and I spend more time on social media than reading good books.

In his book Do Hard Things, Steve Magness writes that these are signs of Give-Up-Itis, learned helplessness that is the clinical expression of mental defeat.

When we don’t feel like we have control over our situation, we start to shut down mentally. What we think is a lack of grit, toughness, and motivation is actually a lack of sense of control over our lives, and apathy and hopelessness take over.

So how do we overcome this?

Magness wrote that psychiatrist and Holocaust survivor Viktor Frankl noted that when he was in Auschwitz, another prisoner told him that to increase his chances of survival he should do two simple things: shave and stand tall. In other words, control what you can and do the next, right thing.

In 1606, 107 men sailed across the Atlantic Ocean and established Jamestown, the first permanent English colony in the New World. Within the first year, only 38 were still alive. Death overtook the colony until John Smith, adventurer, and legend in the Pocahontas story, took over and led with a new motto: Work or starve. It was written that more people died there from the disease of their mind than the disease of their bodies, but under Smith’s charge to get to work, the death rate significantly lowered.

Magness writes that there are 4 stages of Give-Up-Itis:

1 - General withdrawal

2 - Apathy

3 - Loss of Emotional Response

4 - Lack of Response to any External Stimulus

He further writes: “Along the way, motivation to do menial tasks erodes until the simplest of tasks can no longer be completed. Listlessness takes over. The last stage is psychogenic death.”

So what can we do to restore a healthy amount of happiness, hopefulness, and engagement?

Shave and stand tall. Work or starve. Control what you can control by doing the next right thing, then build on that. Admit that you don’t know what you don’t know, but promise that you will do what you can do. Adopt a ritual or routine.

For leaders looking to give back control to their people, Magness shares 3 ideas that can help develop a sense of control in the people you lead and work with:

1 - Learn to Let Go

“Trust and verify.” Explain your expectations, teach them the skills they need to be successful, then give them the freedom to do what they need to do while occasionally checking on their progress (without micromanaging). Search for opportunities to put your people in a position to shine and be successful.

2 - Set the Constraints and Let Them Go

Give them a lane to run in, then let them run! See how much you can phase yourself out by growing your people and giving more and more control. I often say, “Here are the 3 things I need to come out of this, but you have to freedom to create and do whatever else you think needs to be done.”

3 - Allow Them to Fail, Reflect, and Improve

Failure is an important part of the learning process. We often think that successful people are more talented, but more often, they were the ones who just keep showing up. Create conditions that allow for your people to try and fail in ways that won’t kill their confidence.

When we don’t feel like we have control, we lose motivation and our mental toughness, emotions, and inner voice spirals as Give-Up-Itis takes control over our minds and bodies. But you can fight back, one small thought and one small action at a time.

Toughness is built, developed, and grown one action and choice at a time. “Being tough is about navigating your experiences so that you can keep moving forward. Toughness isn’t just about persistence in the face of discomfort. It’s about making a good decision.”