Chris Voss — Tactical Empathy & Calibrated Questions

Great leaders don’t just focus on what they want to say. They focus on understanding the person they’re talking to.

Chris Voss, a former FBI hostage negotiator, teaches two important communication skills: tactical empathy and calibrated questions.

Tactical empathy means understanding another person’s perspective, emotions, and challenges without necessarily agreeing with them. When people feel heard and understood, it becomes easier to build trust and work toward solutions.

One way to build that understanding is through calibrated questions. Instead of telling people what to do or immediately offering your solution, ask open-ended questions that encourage them to think.

Try asking:

• “What do you think is getting in our way?”

• “How can we make this work better?”

• “What's most important to you in this situation?”

• “What am I missing?”

These questions shift conversations from blame to problem-solving. They help people take ownership instead of simply complying with a decision.

The goal isn’t to win every conversation. It’s to understand the situation, uncover obstacles, and help people move forward. Whether you’re leading a team, coaching an athlete, or navigating a difficult conversation, the questions you ask can determine the quality of the conversation that follows.

This week’s challenge: Before offering advice or reacting to a problem, ask one thoughtful question and genuinely listen to the answer.

Remember: You don’t have to have the best answer in the room. Sometimes, leadership means asking the question that helps someone else find it.