Great Leadership Needs Great Communication

Don't Be Afraid Of Parental Involvement; Find Ways To Help Parents Help You And Your Athlete

Schools around the county are now implementing a researched 'best practice' to improve parental involvement in the school - they are now requiring teachers to perform an in-home visit with the parent of each new student before the first day of school.  They are requiring the teachers to go the homes of the student (not the other way around) to show that we as teachers and educators are willing to do whatever it takes to ensure the success of all of our students, and to show that we seek the help and cooperation of the parents at home.  Then, within the first 10 weeks, after they have gotten a good feel of where the kid is academically, they have to perform a parent-teacher conference at the school to create goals for their students and to show that the school and classroom is a welcome environment for the parents (if the school environment is not welcoming, how can you get full buy-in and support from the parents).

The quote, "It takes a village to raise a child" is being taken to heart academically.  I really believe that any 'good' teacher can walk into most classrooms and provide decent instruction and roughly 80% of the students will be relatively successful.  Great teachers know how to reach another 10%.  The elite teachers find a way to also reach that final 10%.  To do so, you have build a relationship with not only the child, but the parents, or guardians, as well.

Students spend about 33% of a school day at school.  When you count the summer break, winter break, and all of the holidays in between, students spend roughly 16% of a full year in school.  If you have a 2 hour basketball practice, that means that your athlete spends about 8% of their school day with you.  How do they spend the rest of their time - with the 3 F's - friends, Facebook, and family (too often in that order).  As coaches, we try to instill the right habits, mentality, and work-ethic that it takes to be successful as a person and as a team, but they only spend a small percentage of their time with us.  While that time is more meaningful than the actual minutes, you can't discount the amount of time they spend away from your influence.

In a perfect world, parents and athletes would trust and buy into the system that you are implementing as a coach.  They would understand that you are being paid to coach and they would respect the hours you put into perfecting your craft, finding the best system for the players you have and your program, and finding ways to grow each player under your watch as an athlete and as a person.  I honestly feel that for 80% of your athletes and parents, that is the case - they believe in you because you are coach and trust your vision for the players and the team.  But you have to find a way to reach that other 20%, who, for some strange reason, usually turn out to be your difference makers (see Murphy's Law and the Pareto Principal).

I think there are some steps that every head coach should take towards ensuring that each athlete understands their role in the program, and that the coach should embrace the parent's role throughout the entire process.  I really believe that far too often, we dismiss the importance that the parent has in the development of the student-athlete, and many times on the surface, it appears warranted.  We hear so many horror stories of parents:  the parent who thinks their son is the next LeBron James (but is a great 'towel waiver' at best), the parent who thinks they can coach the team better than you (because he led little brother's team to the YMCA championship), and the group of parents who sit together in the stands and bash the coach's every move because their son isn't the leading scorer, or because they just don't know any better.  Yea, I didn't forget the parent who knows more about basketball than the coach because he should have gone pro 20-30 years ago if it wasn't for that 'knee injury' that cost him that 'scholarship,' or that parent who thinks his son needs to get more shots because he's got that letter from The University of Oklahoma (you know, the one from the mailing list that everyone gets).

I do know that it can be dangerous letting parents in too much, but I think more problems come when parents, who really just want whats best for their kids, are left out of the loop of what's going on, day-to-day, with the team.  All parents want to know why their athlete isn't getting more points, more time, or aren't achieving more overall success - it is what we do as parents.  When they don't get a good grade - we ask them 'what happened?'  When an athlete isn't getting a lot of playing time, the parents ask them - 'why not?'  And what do you think the athlete is telling their parents when they get home?  I doubt that they are telling them, "I had to sit out the first quarter because I didn't go hard at all this week in defensive shell drill."  Or, "I'm not getting as much playing time as [insert team's difference maker's name] because he's just better than me."  You could imagine the excuses they (parents) are getting.  And, what should the parents think if they are only getting one side of the story?  To that situation (parent's getting one side of the story), I live by a best practice administrators adhere to when there is an incident at school:

Make sure you call the parent and tell them what happened before the student tells them what happened.

Communicate early and often to your parents to ensure that everybody involved knows what you need from each individually player to make the team stronger, and that everybody has a plan of action on how to help.  Reaching out to parents, personally, will go a long way to earning buy-in from all of your stakeholders; and don't get it mistaken, it today's society, you need to EARN the buy-in.

Using the academic model of communication with parents, I have listed some ways that coach's can help achieve buy-in from their players through creating a culture where they get POSITIVE parental involvement.

-  Reach out to each parent early through personal communication.  Meeting with the athlete and parent will go a long way towards making sure that everyone is on the same page.

-  Explain your goals for the team.

-  Explain the process through which you plan to lead your team towards achieving those goals.

-  Explain that through the process, their will be growing pains, and that the coaches and team will make
adjustments that will help achieve the overall goals.

-  Explain their athlete's role in the team attaining the teams's goals and how the athlete can grow and prosper within that role, because let's be honest, everybody whats to shine and be recognized for doing good work.

-  Explain the process of how their athlete will be worked with towards improving everyday in efforts to best fulfill their role and achieve that 'shine' and recognition that they seek.

-  Explain that through the process, their will be growing pains, and help the guardians prepare the athlete for them, and help the guardians communicate how to deal with the growing pains throughout the process/season/career.

-  Explain that you will 'coach' their athlete everyday.  It won't always be easy for the athlete, and you will ask the athlete to do somethings that are new or out of their comfort zone.  In those situations, it is important that the parents knows how to help the athlete without being to accommodating, how to help their athlete deal with adversity, and help them understand that having grit and toughing things out rather than pouting and quitting are some of the best skills that you learn through athletics.

-  Explain how the parents can assist both the student, the coach, and the team throughout the process, and help everybody understand where they fit in with the program and the team.

Every parent wants their athlete to be successful.  Many/most parents sincerely don't know how to help their athletes achieve athletic success within the framework of the team system; teach them.