A Coach's Diary

Culture isn’t built by what you say once. It’s built by how you treat people every day. Dr. John Gottman, a psychologist known for his research on relationships, identified a powerful pattern: stable, successful relationships tend to maintain approximately five positive interactions for every one negative interaction, particularly during conflict. What does this have to do with teamwork and culture? Everything. Teams are built on relationships. Coaches give feedback. Leaders hold people accountable. Teammates make mistakes. Conflict happens. But the way we communicate through those moments determines whether people feel supported or constantly criticized. The 5:1 ratio doesn't mean avoiding tough conversations or pretending everything is great. It means building enough trust, encouragement, appreciation, and connection that people can hear difficult feedback without questioning whether you care about them. Think about your team. Do your athletes hear more criticism than encourageme...

Have you ever been so locked into something that you lost track of time? You weren’t thinking about the next play, worrying about the outcome, or checking your phone. You were completely present. That’s the idea behind a flow state . Dr. Inma Martinez explores the intersection of technology, human performance, and innovation. When we think about flow and hyper-focus, the lesson is simple: our best work often happens when we give our attention to one thing at a time. Psychologist Mihaly Csikszentmihalyi’s research on flow suggests that we are more likely to experience it when three conditions come together: a clear goal, a challenge that matches our skills, and immediate feedback. Think about an athlete in practice. If the drill is too easy, they get bored. If it’s too difficult, they get frustrated. But when the challenge pushes them just beyond their comfort zone, they have an opportunity to grow. The same applies to leadership, work, and life. Your challenge this Monday: Pick one im...

“Every team needs a coach, and the best coaches make good teams great. The same goes in business. Any company that wants to succeed in a time where technology has suffused every industry and most aspects of consumer life, where speed and innovation are paramount, must have team coaching as part of its culture. Coaching is the best way to mold people into powerful teams.” The Trillion Dollar Coach is a leadership playbook based on the teachings of Bill Campbell, a legendary executive coach who mentored leaders at companies like Google and Apple, helping them build stronger teams, better relationships, and successful organizations. In the Forward and Chapter 1, the authors did a great job of explaining how Bill, a former coach, became one of the most trusted voices in Silicon Valley. The book states, “To be a great manager, you have to be a great coach. After all, the higher you climb, the more your success depends on making other people successful. By definition, that’s what coaches do....

Great leaders don't just share information. They help people see what's possible and inspire them to take action. In Resonate , Nancy Duarte explains a powerful storytelling technique called the Sparkline . The idea is to contrast what is with what could be . Leaders can use this structure to help teams understand the gap between their current reality and their desired future. Start by acknowledging where the team is today. What is working? What isn't? What challenges are standing in the way? Then paint a picture of what the team could accomplish if everyone committed to a shared vision. The power comes from moving back and forth between the current reality and the future possibility. This creates a reason for people to care about the change and see how their contributions matter. Think about a team with inconsistent communication. A leader could simply demand better communication. Or the leader could describe the frustration caused by missed expectations, then contrast it...

Peak performance isn’t about working harder every minute of every day. It’s about learning how to push yourself, recover, and come back stronger. In Peak Performance , Brad Stulberg and Steve Magness explain that growth happens when we balance stress and recovery. Stress challenges us to improve. Recovery allows us to adapt, rebuild, and get better. Think about an athlete who practices hard every day but never gets enough sleep or recovery. Eventually, performance suffers. The same principle applies to leadership, school, and life. Constantly pushing without recharging can lead to burnout, frustration, and declining performance. The goal isn’t to avoid hard things. It’s to approach them with purpose and give yourself the opportunity to recover. Remember: You don’t have to give 100% of your energy every minute. You need to give your best effort when it matters and build habits that allow you to sustain that effort over time. Weekly Challenge: Identify one area where you need to push y...

Great leaders don’t just focus on what they want to say. They focus on understanding the person they’re talking to. Chris Voss, a former FBI hostage negotiator, teaches two important communication skills: tactical empathy and calibrated questions. Tactical empathy means understanding another person’s perspective, emotions, and challenges without necessarily agreeing with them. When people feel heard and understood, it becomes easier to build trust and work toward solutions. One way to build that understanding is through calibrated questions . Instead of telling people what to do or immediately offering your solution, ask open-ended questions that encourage them to think. Try asking: “What do you think is getting in our way?” “How can we make this work better?” “What's most important to you in this situation?” “What am I missing?” These questions shift conversations from blame to problem-solving. They help people take ownership instead of simply complying with a decision. The goal i...

Wrestling legend Dan Gable is known for his relentless mindset and commitment to preparation. His philosophy reflects a powerful idea: You may get tired, frustrated, or uncomfortable, but you don't have to give up. The “I Can't Break” mentality isn't about never struggling. It's about deciding that adversity won't determine your response. When things get difficult, you keep showing up, keep competing, and keep looking for a way forward. In sports, you might face a stronger opponent, fall behind on the scoreboard, or have a tough practice when you feel exhausted. In life, you might face setbacks, criticism, or unexpected challenges. You can't always control what happens, but you can control how you respond. Mental toughness isn't built only during big moments. It's developed through small decisions: finishing the drill, keeping your word, accepting coaching, and doing the work when motivation disappears. Remember: You don't have to feel strong to re...

Intent-Based Leadership One of the most important lessons from David Marquet’s Turn the Ship Around! is that great teams don’t need more people giving orders — they need more people taking ownership. Marquet took command of the USS Santa Fe , a struggling nuclear submarine, and recognized that the traditional leader-follower model was limiting his team. Instead of being the person with all the answers, he worked to create a culture where people were expected to think, communicate, and take responsibility. That meant changing the language. Instead of asking for permission by saying, “Can I…?” , sailors were encouraged to say, “I intend to…” The difference seems small, but the message is powerful: I have thought this through, I understand my responsibility, and I am prepared to act. This is what intent-based leadership is all about. In a healthy culture, people shouldn't have to wait for the person at the top to make every decision. Leaders create clarity around the mission, value...

Dr. Brett Steenbarger, a psychologist who has worked extensively with professional traders, teaches an important lesson about performance: your emotions don't have to control your decisions. Trading provides a great example because every decision has uncertainty. You can make a smart decision and still lose money. You can make a poor decision and still get a good result. The same is true in sports, leadership, and life. That means we can't judge ourselves only by the outcome. Instead, we have to learn to evaluate the quality of our process and our response. Emotional resilience isn't about becoming emotionless. It's about noticing your emotions without allowing them to take over. Fear, frustration, excitement, and disappointment are all information. The key is learning to recognize them, regulate them, and return to your process. One bad decision doesn't need to become five bad decisions. One mistake doesn't need to ruin the rest of your performance. The best pe...

When I moved into my first leadership role, the most eye-opening thing that I learned was how few people were willing to do what I was willing to do as an individual performer. I thought everyone tried to go above and beyond as fast as they could like I tried to, but I was wrong. In his book, Move Your Bus , Ron Clark uses a simple metaphor to describe the different ways people show up on a team: Runners, Joggers, Walkers, Riders, and Drivers. Runners are your all-stars who consistently go above and beyond without waiting to be told what needs to be done — they see it, act, and go above and beyond. Joggers are dependable. The do their jobs well without pushing themselves too hard. Walkers get pulled along and need more direction, encouragement, or accountability to increase their impact. Riders hold the team back because they pick up their feet and slow down the whole process. And then there are Drivers — the MVPs responsible for steering the bus. They create the vision, set the d...

Ryan Holiday’s The Obstacle Is the Way is built around a simple Stoic idea: the thing standing in your way can become the thing that moves you forward. We all face obstacles — a difficult conversation, a mistake, a setback, a season that doesn’t go the way we expected. Our first instinct is often to ask, “Why is this happening to me?” Holiday challenges us to ask a different question: “What can I do with this?” He organizes the Stoic approach around three disciplines:  Perception Action Will. Perception is how we see the obstacle. We may not control what happens, but we can control how we interpret it. Action is what we do next. Instead of getting stuck complaining about the problem, we look for the next step we can take. Will is how we respond when the obstacle doesn’t disappear. We accept what we cannot control and continue moving forward. The obstacle doesn’t have to be removed before progress can happen. Sometimes the obstacle is the opportunity to grow. So, when something har...

What if being a great teammate isn't just about what you contribute to the team, but also about the energy and well-being you bring to the people around you? Psychologist Martin Seligman developed the PERMA model , identifying five elements that contribute to well-being: Positive Emotion, Engagement, Relationships, Meaning, and Accomplishment. The “+” is often used to recognize additional factors that support well-being, such as physical health and vitality. Think about what happens when a team has these elements. People experience positive emotions. They become fully engaged in what they're doing. They build meaningful relationships. They understand that their work matters. And they experience the satisfaction that comes from accomplishing difficult things together. That is more than happiness. That's a healthy team culture. And here's the important part: You don't have to be the leader to influence the well-being of your team. You can bring positive energy...

One of the most important lessons Nick Saban has taught through his career is the power of The Process . The idea is simple: Stop focusing on the outcome and focus on what you need to do today to give yourself the best chance to succeed. Saban often emphasized that teams can become distracted when they focus too much on championships, records, rankings, or the opponent. Instead, great teams focus on the next task, the next practice, the next meeting, and the next play. That matters because great teamwork isn't built on one big moment. It's built through thousands of small moments when everyone does their job. The best teammates don't constantly ask, “How are we doing?” They ask, “What does the team need from me right now?” You don't control the final score. You control your preparation, your effort, your attitude, your communication, and your willingness to do your job for the people around you. The Process is about trusting that if everyone consistently takes care of ...

When you’re tired, uncomfortable, or facing a challenge, what do you tell yourself? Dr. Nicole Detling, a sport and performance psychologist, teaches athletes to use imagery and intentional self-talk to shift their mindset when they need to perform at a higher level. One simple idea is “Next Gear.” Think about your car. You don’t stay in the same gear when you need more power — you shift. The same is true for us. There will be moments in practice, competition, work, and life when your current gear isn’t enough. Your legs are tired. Your confidence is low. The pressure is high. That’s when you need to recognize: It’s time for the next gear. Your next gear might be more effort, more focus, more communication, more patience, and more courage. The key is recognizing that you often have another gear available — you just have to choose to shift. So this Monday, ask yourself: What does my next gear look like today? When things get difficult, don’t immediately ask, “Can I do this?” Ask: “Wha...

How Much Is Left in the Tank? Have you ever felt like you had nothing left — only to discover you could keep going? In Endure , journalist and endurance athlete Alex Hutchinson explores a fascinating question: What actually causes us to stop? For years, we’ve thought of fatigue as a simple physical limit. Your muscles get tired, your body runs out of energy, and you have to stop. But Hutchinson’s research suggests it’s more complicated. The brain plays a major role in deciding when an effort has become too difficult to continue. That doesn’t mean fatigue is imaginary. It means our perception of effort matters. Think about the fourth quarter of a close game. Your legs are heavy. Your breathing is hard. Your mind starts telling you, I’m done. But sometimes, when the stakes rise, you find another gear. That’s the lesson: Feeling exhausted and being incapable are not always the same thing. The next time your mind tells you that you can’t go any further, don’t automatically believe it. P...