A Coach's Diary

Drama is a fire, and coaches and leaders add oxygen to the fire every time they react to it emotionally. Business leader and consultant Mark Murphy says these four words can put out the fire and put you in problem-solving mode: Just the facts, please. These four words — or your own variation of them — can help you bring everything back to what you directly see, hear, or receive instead of the stories that we make up about it. Drama needs an audience — it isn’t a solo act. It’s a performance. If you take away the reaction, the fire has nothing to burn with or on.  Instead of fueling the fire by reacting, learn to respond strategically and intentionally. Start with yourself. Ask yourself, “What are the facts? What’s real, and what is not?” Then, find a way to say it to the room. We are wired to react emotionally, and the drama counts on this to live, breathe, and grow. Don’t. Here is the 4-step protocol I use to slow myself down: 1 - What happened — facts only? I start by asking mys...

We often think great teamwork is built on chemistry, communication, or shared goals. But organizational psychologist Tasha Eurich discovered a deeper, hidden foundation: self-awareness . According to Eurich’s research, while 95% of people think they are self-aware, only about 10% to 15% actually are. When a team lacks this trait, project success rates cut in half, stress skyrockets, and collaboration plummets. Eurich breaks self-awareness into two critical types: Internal Self-Awareness: Understanding your own values, passions, and reactions. External Self-Awareness: Understanding how other people see you. Great teams require both. If team members only have internal awareness, they remain blind to how their communication style impacts others. If they only have external awareness, they become people-pleasers who sacrifice their true potential to fit in. The breakthrough happens when teams build a "collective self-awareness" culture.  This means swapping defensive reaction...

Ever feel like your biggest opponent is the voice inside your own head? In The Inner Game of Tennis , Timothy Gallwey introduces a game-changing concept: you have two distinct selves. Self 1 (The Critic): This is your conscious mind. It loves to judge, micro-manage, worry, and give endless instructions. It’s the voice that says, "Don't mess this up." Self 2 (The Doer): This is your unconscious mind. It represents your vast, natural potential, your body’s inherent intelligence, and your capability to learn and execute effortlessly. Gallwey’s core formula is simple yet profound: Performance = Potential - Interference Most of us try to improve performance by adding more information, but Gallwey argues the real breakthrough happens when we reduce interference — specifically, the judgment and anxiety of Self 1. This week, instead of overthinking everything, practice removing all distractions by  quieting your mind. Simply pause when you feel overwhelmed, take a deep breath, ...

Would you call yourself an energy-giver or an energy-taker? In his book, “The Energy Bus,” Jon Gordon explains why having and sharing positive energy can be a game changer and difference maker. Success in any organization isn’t just about strategy — it’s about the energy we bring to the journey. Gordon’s framework challenges us to take full responsibility for our attitudes and actions. When we choose optimism over complaints or excuses, we stop being victims of our circumstances. For your team, this means two critical shifts: Fuel with Positivity: Negative energy acts as a drain on productivity. By focusing on solutions and maintaining a shared vision, you create an environment where enthusiasm becomes the most valuable asset. Protect the Culture: As Gordon famously says, "No Energy Vampires Allowed." A strong team culture requires boundaries. Focus your energy on those who share your mission and are committed to the ride. Ultimately, your team is only as strong as its c...

In Atomic Habits , James Clear introduces a paradigm shift in self-improvement: "You do not rise to the level of your goals. You fall to the level of your systems." While goals are effective for setting a direction, they don’t include what’s most important — your plan for how you will achieve them. True, sustainable transformation relies on system-led performance. A system is the collection of daily processes, environments, and “atomic” habits that automate your progress. By shifting your focus from the ultimate outcome to your daily routine, you create a compounding effect: Improving just 1% every day results in being 37 times better by the end of a year. Creating a good system isn't about sheer willpower — it’s about designing an environment and a routine that makes success the default option. In Atomic Habits , James Clear provides a blueprint for this called The Four Laws of Behavior Change . Here is how you can build a powerful, system-led performance loop: 1. Make ...

Do you measure your daily progress by how much better you are than yesterday, or by how much you are outshining everyone else? How does this affect your peace of mind? Dr. Joan Duda, a leading sports psychologist, expanded on Achievement Goal Theory to explain that our motivation hinges on how we define success. She divided this into two distinct lenses: Task Orientation and Ego Orientation . Task Orientation (Mastery) When you are task-oriented, success is internal. You judge capability and performance by personal improvement, effort, and mastering a skill. If a runner shaves two seconds off their personal record, they feel successful, regardless of where they placed in the race. This mindset fosters resilient, persistent motivation because it stays entirely within your control. Ego Orientation (Performance) When you are ego-oriented, success is external and comparative. You judge capability by outperforming others or winning with minimal effort. Success means being the best, and com...

The most important thing I learned this week was: Don’t let today’s work steal your dreams or tomorrow’s possibilities. There is always something to do: a phone call to make or return, an email to respond to, a correction to address, a 1-pager or plan to create, before you know it — the day, week, and month have flown by and you may or may not have done anything on your task list that you wanted to do because you were so consumed with doing what you had to do. Don’t waste all your days, career or life just doing the work. Of course, the work matters, but leadership is more than just focusing on and managing what exists today — leadership is also about creating what can exist tomorrow. The problem is that urgency crowds out strategy. The best leaders don't just ask: "What needs my attention today?" They also ask: What could we do better? What opportunities are we missing? What could this team become? What are we doing simply because we've always done it that way? Keep ...

What is the single greatest constrictor of human potential? It’s not a lack of talent. It’s not a lack of work ethic. It’s a four-letter acronym coined by high-performance psychologist Dr. Michael Gervais: FOPO: Fear of Other People’s Opinions. The moment you start playing to not look bad instead of playing to win , FOPO has won. In sports and in life, human beings are evolutionarily wired to crave social acceptance. Thousands of years ago, being disliked by the tribe meant exile and death. Today, that ancient software manifests as intense anxiety before a big game, a presentation, or a risky move. We worry about what the fans, the coaches, our parents, or random people on social media will say if we mess up. But here is the truth about elite performance: You cannot play fearlessly if you are constantly holding your breath for applause. When you operate out of FOPO, you play tightly. You play conservatively. You make the safe pass instead of the game-changing play. FOPO turns aggressi...

In their book Rare Leadership: 4 Uncommon Habits for Increasing Trust, Joy, and Engagement in the People You Lead, Marcus Warner and Jim Wilder, say halthy teams begin with healthy, emotionally mature leaders, and RARE is an acronym for the four habits of those types of leaders: R – Remain Relational Keep relationships bigger than problems. When challenges arise, focus on people first rather than simply fixing the issue.   A – Act Like Yourself Maintain your character and identity under pressure. People know what to expect from you because you remain consistent, even when emotions run high. R – Return to Joy Recover quickly from emotions such as fear, anger, shame, or discouragement. Help others return to a healthy, connected emotional state as well.   E – Endure Hardship Well Face adversity without losing your identity, relationships, or purpose. Use difficult experiences as opportunities for growth and deeper connection.   My biggest takeaway after readi...

If you’ve ever been on a team where everyone was terrified of making a mistake, or on the opposite end, on a team where everyone was genuinely excited to get better, you have experienced what Dr. Joan Duda calls a motivational climate. Dr. Joan Duda, a world-renowned sport psychologist, expanded on Achievement Goal Theory to explain how the environment created by coaches, teachers, or leaders directly dictates an individual's happiness, grit, and performance. According to Duda, leaders establish one of two distinct climates: 1. Task-Involved / Mastery Climate (The Growth Zone) In a mastery climate, the focus is entirely on personal improvement, effort, and cooperation . The Vibe: Success is defined by doing your best and outperforming your past self. How Mistakes are Handled: Mistakes are viewed as natural, necessary data points for learning. The Result: Athletes have higher self-esteem, experience less anxiety, stick with the sport longer, and actually perform better under p...

Dr. Ken Ravizza was a pioneer in sports psychology. His groundbreaking book, Heads-Up Baseball , shifted the focus from raw physical talent to mental toughness and present-moment focus. His core philosophy is simple: "Choose focus over results." In baseball — and in life — you cannot control the outcome. You can't control the umpire's call, the weather, or the spin on a curveball. You can only control your response to the present moment. Dr. Ravizza said there are so many times we play where the confidence just isn’t there, but confidence is fragile for all of us. He said the question is, “Do you have something to go to when you aren’t feeling great?” He said, “Feeling good is overrated.” The Core Concept: The Traffic Light System Ravizza taught athletes to monitor their mental state using a simple traffic light analogy. The goal isn't to stay perfect; it's to recognize when your mind is drifting and fix it. 🟢 Green Light (On): You are fully in the present m...

This week, I learned leaders create meaningful change not by developing perfect plans, but by generating momentum through movement, learning, collaboration, transparency, and continuous action. The book, Motion Leadership: The Skinny on Becoming Change Savvy, ‘moved’ me because instead of talking about normal leadership topics like vision or strategy, author Michael Fullan focused on implementation and how to actually create change. It can be summed up by saying, “Be relentlessly consistent at doing what matters most while seeking continuous commitment." Here are some of my key takeaways: Get Skinny: You can move quickly when you identify and focus on what matters most — not a million different things. Ready-Fire-Aim: Don’t wait until you have the perfect plan — you never will. Get started. Implementation Dip: There will be a learning dip — keep going. Behaviors Before Beliefs: Everyone won’t be on board, see the vision, or believe in success at first — they will have to see it to...