A Coach's Diary

“You are never going to feel like it.” - Mel Robbins What is the one thing that is keeping you from doing what you know you need to do so you can live the life you want to live? Mel Robbins says there is only one rule when it comes to productivity, success, and getting everything you have ever wanted: You’re never going to feel like it. If you could learn how to do the things you don’t want to do, you could get everything you have ever wanted. The areas in your life in which you are happy, you do the work, and the areas in your life in which you aren’t happy or complaining, you don’t feel like it, so you don’t do it. So how can you coach yourself knowing that you are never going to feel like doing everything it takes to live the life you want? Use the 5-Second Rule. The second you have an idea or identify what you should do next, you have 5 seconds to take action before your brain either gets distracted or talks you out of it. Act within those 5 seconds. Those 5 seconds are the mo...

“The voice of fear will lead you to a life that is too small. Full power starts in the second voice; the voice that is really you.” - Graham Weaver Graham Weaver is a Stanford entrepreneur professor who has founded a private equity firm and has an engineering degree from Princeton. He says we all have two voices in our heads: Our Truth Voice and our Fear Voice. Our Fear Voice keeps you small, holds you back, and forces you to live a life too small. It is the voice that keeps you from living the life you know you can live. Our Truth Voice is the voice that tells who we really are and what we have the ability to do. Our Fear Voice tells us what we can’t do, what we won’t do, and forces us to look for excuses. Our Truth Voice tells us what we can do, what we need to do, and helps us find ways and answers, not excuses. The key is to listen to and leverage your Truth Voice more than your Fear Voice by using Graham’s three promises: Promise 1: Take the Nail Out of Your Head: Identify wh...

“You want to become a master of overcoming hard moments. That is the sign of a champion.” - Roger Federer How do you respond to bad plays or bad days? Roger Federer is one of the best tennis players of all time. He won 80% of his matches, but lost 46% of his points.  He deals with an undesired result or failure 46% of the time, but he is able to win at such a high level in part because he has mastered his ability to manage the undesired results. One thing we all need to learn how to do is how to use the undesired results or failure as opportunities to practice bouncing back quickly instead of spiraling. In a commencement speech at Dartmouth, Federer said, “You want to become a master of overcoming hard moments. That is the sign of a champion … The best know they will lose again and again and have learned how to deal with it.” He also said, “The truth is, whatever game you play in life, sometimes you’re going to lose. A point, a match, a season, a job.” Learning how to accept...

“Life is a dream, realize it. life is a challenge, meet it. life is a duty, complete it. life is a game, play it.” - Mother Theresa    Before every big game, I say the same thing: “In this game, good things and bad things will happen. The key to having more good than bad is making the next right play.” Too often we let mistakes, emotion, and pressure throw us off, and it can be hard getting back on track. That is why having emotional intelligence is so important; it helps us manage the good and the bad. When teaching athletes, coaches, and parents how to it all, I tell them about Turbulence Resilience. Turbulence is violent or unsteady movement, conflict, or confusion. It is when your peace gets interrupted. Resilience is your ability to withstand or recover from turbulence. I have identified four stages of Turbulence Resilience: 1 - The Panic Stage: When turbulence happens, you panic, preventing you from gaining control and making the next right play. 2 - The Negative ...

“There is perhaps no psychological skill more fundamental than resisting impulse.” - Daniel Goleman Do you know what might be a greater predictor of success than talent or intelligence? Emotional Intelligence - your ability to recognize and manage your emotions or the emotions of others. Think about it: How many times have you done or said something that you regretted later, or how many times have you regretted not doing or saying something? Those could be signs of a lack of emotional intelligence. Daniel Goleman wrote one of the most read books on emotional intelligence. He says we all have two minds: Our thinking mind and our feeling or emotional mind, and knowing when and how to use both are two of the keys to emotional intelligence. Goleman says there are four dimensions of emotional intelligence: 1 -Self-awareness: How well you recognize and understand your emotions. 2 - Self-Management: How well you manage your emotions. 3 - Social Awareness: How well you can recognize an...

“The ultimate measure of a man is not where he stands in moments of comfort and convenience, but where he stands at times of challenge and controversy.”- Dr. Martin Luther King Jr. UConn women’s basketball coach Geno Auriemma once said, “People that are mentally sharp are never tired.” He also said, “The big difference between a really good player and a great player is great players don’t get tired.” Hard separates the bad from the good and the good from the great. When it gets hard, you get to see what people are made of. Some embrace the hard, lean into it, match it, and go harder, but most either can’t, won’t, or just don’t. Most people shy away or run away from hard. They don’t respond well to adversity, or getting tired, or a difficult opponent. If you can learn how to handle hard better, you can pass a lot of people, and this requires no talent or skill - just a tough, gritty mindset that doesn’t stop. Dr. Martin Luther King Jr. is a great example. Everything he tried to do was h...

Why do you coach? How do you define success? Dan Hurley is one of the best college basketball coaches in the country, having led UConn to 2 straight national championships. But he is also know for a level of intensity that has cost his team games. In an early season tournament, Coach Hurley received a tech in a tie game that was in overtime, and his team lost because of it. After the game, legendary women's coach Geno Auriemma said to him, "If the only outcome that makes you a successful coach [...] is whether or not you hang up the national championship banner, then you should get out immediately." The message didn't resonate at first, so Coach Hurley said Geno followed him around practice and barked statements at him like: - The joy of your relationships with your players. - The joy of getting the most out of your team. Geno then said, "If you're only it it for the championship pursuit and none of that other stuff means anything to you anymore and it's ...