Coaching the Uncoachable Pt. 1 - Build A Connection

This is part 1 of a three-part series on coaching tough kids and tough parents. It is just my thoughts and my experiences on the subject. Someone reached out to me via Facebook and asked me about viewpoints on tough kids and tough parents.

Coaching the 'uncoachable' can be tough. But first, let me clarify - I don't consider any athlete (or student) uncoachable or a bad kid. It is a mindset that I adopted years ago.

I live by the idea of having a Growth Mindset. I feel that every person has the ability to grow and improve, and it is my job as a coach to meet them where they are and to help them grow into what they can be.

Coaching kids who most would consider as 'uncoachable' is just hard. Every coach's dream is to have a team full of bought-in, talented, hardworking kids who put the team first, and who are willing to run through a wall for the coach and their teammates. But the reality is that not every kid is built like this.

We can blame kids, we can blame parents, and we can blame society. But it is what it is, so we have to learn how to better coach kids that we don't automatically connect with.

And I always start with the connection.

I think it is important to learn that the kids we coach today need a connection, a relationship, and trust before they fully buy-in to our vision. We have to build trust and relationships with our athletes. There is an old saying that says, 

"They don't care how much you know until they know how much you care." 

This is one of the most important things to realize when we coach and work with kids. They just don't care about what YOU did, how good YOU were, or how good YOU are as a coach until they know that YOU can help THEM get better, and that YOU care for THEM.

When we start operating under this lense, I think we become more effective coaches and mentors for our athletes. I am always thinking about what my athletes (and their parents) want out of their performance, what the team needs, their long-term growth and development, and how I can merge these things. It is called having a shared vision.

When I was growing up, we HAD to listen to the coach. If we didn't, we were on the line. These kids are just different. They aren't better or worse; they are just different. We have to grow and better understand them if we want to better reach them. It starts with relationships.

When you have a kid who isn't as bought in as you would like, try building a stronger relationship with them. Try to connect with them. Get to know them better. Start to build trust with them. Ask them what their favorite part of playing is. Ask them how long they have been playing. Ask them what they think they are best at, and what they think they need to get better at. Ask them what their goals are - as an athlete and as a person. Then start to explain to them how doing a few things differently can help them get better individually and help the team do better. Tell them that you can't wait to help them reach their goals. Tell them how much you believe in them.

Again, it starts with the connection.

Tomorrow, I will have more actionable items on how to coach the uncoachable athletes!