Open Letter To Sports Parents

This post was left on my Facebook page by Stan Granger, a wrestling coach.  Please ENJOY this amazing perspective.

I am a 20+ year Coach. One of my son's best friend's father is a good friend of mine. The other day we were having a discussion about child development and parent involvement. As with any discussion about Youth/MS/HS sports between a parent and a coach it became heated. But it was no surprise cause we are friends and we have had these heated debates over the years. So I proceeded on as normal. The next day he shared this letter to our community that he had written on the heels of our discussion.

"Open letter to the future wrestling parent,

For those that don't know me, my name is Jim Lenon. I'm a former Holt wrestler, 1996 state championship team member, Holt Athletics Hall of Fame member, and one of the former Holt wrestling club coaches from 2005 - 2015. Now.....I'm just a high school wrestling dad. Coming up through the program and navigating the oddities of youth wrestling, I often wished there was a manual or a way to make it all make sense. Well....here I go.

The early years:

It's all so much fun. Watching the kids roll around on the mat. Most of the time, all you can do is smile and shake your head. Having matches end with a score of 22-16 because there were 10 headlocks thrown and rolled through was one of the most amusing things I have witnessed. Remember these days. Your son may not win a match for a full season (like mine) this does not mean they aren’t cut out for the sport.

As your wrestler grows and progresses through the sport, you will feel pride, sadness, defeat. You will feel times of anxiousness and even panic. This is normal. Remember, as a parent, your wrestler's success has zero relation to you as a parent. Wins and Losses come with the realities of youth athletics.

Dads......let your young wrestlers cry if they come up short. The tears mean they care...that is a good thing.

Help your wrestler be an athlete. Did you know that being able to do a cartwheel, or a flip, can directly relate to being a better wrestler? It seems odd but it is true. Put as much emphasis on becoming a better athlete as you do on becoming a better wrestler. They go hand in hand.

Notes From a Kids Coach:

The Holt wrestling program has been, historically, one of the most successful wrestling programs in the state of Michigan. There are teams of people that work so hard to continue that tradition and keep it rolling. Support your coaches, support other team members and families. Continue to build this community. Take your kids to the high school dual meets, because to a 7-year-old who loves wrestling, a starting Varsity Ram wrestler is a pretty cool person. Let them see young men compete that they might want to strive to be one day. This gives your wrestler goals.

Parents.......you are running a marathon you didn't sign up for. Some wrestlers will find success right away. Some might not find success for 10 years, and then some (the hard truth) may never find success but simply love the sport. All three of these types are vital and important to a program. Run the race and support your athlete no matter the type and remember this is ALL ABOUT THEM!  Personally, I have had one son who found success early and another who is still searching for it. Beyond being my kids, they have been important to the program.

The Elite Wrestler Parent:

A school-based club is still a place for you. Recognize and remember, this is still your community. These kids around your early-developing wrestler are still his/her schoolmates and these will most likely be the wrestlers your wrestler competes alongside as a high schooler. The pull to an "Elite" club will be real and, in honesty, it is ok to allow your wrestler to train at these clubs. But again remember......this is a marathon and burn out is a real thing. Work to balance a give and take attitude with your wrestler where they give to the less skilled athletes at the school-based club and then take from the more intensive training they might receive at an "Elite" club. I think this is so important - so many kids come home and if they didn't wrestle with "good" kids, the parent says that the practice was useless for the more skilled wrestler. Not true, the skilled wrestler must be able to think through the move, articulate it, and teach it - all good learning tools and part of being a team, as well as the more skilled wrestler then learns from the more skilled wrestlers and coaches at the Elite club. Someone is always teaching and someone is always learning, and kids (even great ones) are always on both ends. Most coaches understand the need to have environments that will challenge your wrestler and support a balanced training at "Elite" clubs along with the school training.

The hard truth. In 2013, as a coach, I had 8 Elite wrestlers leave the club program because we did not train the kids hard enough. As of the 2018-19 high school season, only 1 of those 8 was still involved in the sport of wrestling. Again.......this is a marathon sport that demands large amounts of work over an extended period of time. Those that remained in our program that year are now members of the #5 ranked team in the state with currently 8 wrestlers ranked in the top 15 at their weight classes.

Junior High/High School:

Often times this is where the late developers catch up with the early. Playing field becomes more even and the early developers often become disheartened with the new challenges they are experiencing. This is ok. Let it happen. Don't blame a coach, a school or yourself. Support the priority of hard work and perseverance. The opposite is also true... some kids will hit puberty and take off while some won't hit puberty and will watch their success decrease substantially. This is a time when the kids who hit puberty late will be doubting themselves and wanting to quit.

Trust....this is hard for a parent. For in these years, at a place like Holt, your wrestler will be extremely challenged, tested and expected to grow (sometimes at a rapid pace). This can be difficult for a parent to watch and even harder to still extend trust in the process. History has proven that the process works.......trust it.

Academics

There can be a future in wrestling. There is not a “pro” league but through hard work and dedication wrestling can open some opportunities at the collegiate level. However, even at the scholarship D1 level, this is not an option for wrestlers that do not show good behaviors in the classroom. Help your wrestle establish good study habits for this is vital. Wrestling has the smallest percentage of High school to College transition rate out of all sports. On average there are 258,208 high school wrestlers. Only 7,049 are able to make the vertical jump to NCAA which is 2.7%. A high GPA could legitimately be the tipping point between your wrestler being recruited.

Enjoy the ride. As parents, we are gifted with limited time with our kids. Make them memorable. Those that have been involved in Holt wrestling know that "The fun is in the memories". So make as many as you can.

So as your season begins I hope that we all remember that wrestling is one of the best sports to prepare our kids for LIFE. The hardships, the challenges, the disappointments, and the rewards are all earned. There is no purer sport around. So as a community lets rally around the youth, the Jr. High and the High school programs and make this a year one to remember. Go Rams!"